MTV's Crazy Plane is Still Boarding....

I feel the need to repost this today after reading about another special that aired on MTV regarding adoption. These posts were first brought to you after I had a bit of an internal struggle with the show 16 & Pregnant. I do not watch it anymore, and my reasons are quite simple: It is all crap! The violence on that show, the disrespect between family members, the constant dragging of the human spirit ... it is all a bit too much for me to watch anymore.

Teen Mom ~ 16 and Pregnant Question - This post has other links at the end for more thoughts about this show.

Convoy of Crap!

Dr. Drew's Abortion Show - disturbing to say the least, these are my thoughts on what this network is teaching the youth of today.

Convoy of Crap

Get ready because I have some things to say. On Tuesday night I watched MTV looking for a special that was to be on called No Easy Decision, a documentary of a woman who is considering abortion. Let me start by saying that I had no idea that it was also the night that MTV would be airing the finale for season two of 16 and Pregnant, Life After Labor. Catchy title, isn't it? Well, I got sucked in from time to time because my listing said that the special was to be airing at 11:30 pm, but I was sure that was a mistake and I did not want to miss it. So let me start with what would soon irritate the living shit out of me.

I think you all know by now that I kind of hate that MTV program and the more I watch it the more I detest all that MTV is trying to do with that show. Every single girl was crying. Every. Single. One. There were like a gillion stories, again I was just flipping in from time to time, it was kind of hard to keep track of who was who so I cannot name any of the girls, sorry. But I swear every one of them looked so sad, so lost, so irritated and not at all happy with where they are in life. The stories of the boyfriends who left. The stories of how many of them have lost all their friends. The stories of how wedges have been placed between these girls and loved ones. The sorrow that was on the faces of not only those telling the stories, but those who were listening in the audience. Ugh. It was heartbreaking. It always is heartbreaking for me to watch. I just want to go there and hug them and then slap them and tell them to wake up! This is life as a parent, or at least a parent in your position .... young, (some) unwed, (some) wed far too young, confused, financially strapped .... this is what life is like when you take on the responsibilities of a child, another life to raise. This is what you chose to do, and now you have to get out there and make the best of what you have!

Then there is the facilitator of the whole circus, Dr. Drew. I used to listen to his radio show when I would drive home late at night from my retail job a decade ago and he does have an extensive background in counseling with expertise at putting people at ease. Some of the questions that would come into Love Line were bizarre, sometimes a little disturbing. Dr. Drew did a great job of explaining to the listeners in a tactful way what his opinion was on the matter. Now, I am not sure what it is that HE is doing there on THAT show. He whisked through the stories lickity split, stopping every so often to dwell on how terrible things were for a particular girl. His tone with some of these kids is a little condescending and it seems to me that MTV could find a better person than him to facilitate this finale. I mean, has he ever been pregnant? Has he ever been faced with a child that needs to be raised while being at the delicate age of 16 himself? This is what gets me about all the so called finales of this show, why is Dr. Drew the one asking the questions? Could they not find a more qualified person to touch base with these teens who are being manipulated by the media attention that they are receiving at such an intimate and vulnerable time in their lives? Ugh.

So, finally the special that I had waited for was coming on ... I was a little apprehensive to watch because I was not sure what it was that I was waiting for, or what MTV would give me. There again was Dr. Drew, he obviously knows much more about women's bodies, women's thoughts and women's issues than we all thought could be possible because now he is going to tackle the tough subject of abortion. Little did I know that this documentary was going to follow one of the moms from 16 and Pregnant. It was surprising to say the least. I mean, of all the women out there that are considering abortion, why are we watching this about a girl who has already revealed so much about her life in the previous season of 16 AP? Anyway, they made it seem that she was not too sure what she wanted to do about the new pregnancy. She is with her baby's father and if I am not mistaken they are married now. They discussed their options but I could not for the life of me understand what it was that he was saying. He mumbles ... A LOT ... and it was hard to make out what his feelings were.

She goes to her friend's house because she is scared to tell her mother right away and she wants to confide in someone. Here is where my blood boiled. She had the baby with her, and she begins to discuss with her friend the possibilities of having an abortion. With. The. Baby. Right. There. I could not believe it! Maybe it is just me, but IF that were me I would be leaving the baby with someone else to watch as I contemplate abortion. So she is talking to her friend about all of this and the friend suggests that she find a clinic and get some answers to questions that arise in their conversation. So they go to the computer and search for abortion clinics in the area. Where is the baby? Sitting on her mother's lap. This girl picks up the phone and calls the clinic right there which was great because she was seeking information and knowledge is always good. But, as she is asking all of these questions about the abortion, her little baby is right there in her lap.

I am sorry, but this was by far the LOWEST thing that I have seen MTV do. Really? You need to sensationalize this so much that you are filming this young lady inquiring about abortion while her baby is in her lap ... she is crying ... we can hear the woman at the clinic on the phone as she speaks of dispelling and cramping and all that goes with the procedure. WTF? Shame on you producers of this show, you should all be charged with torture, criminal intent to harm, psychological damage, and child endangerment. Because I am pretty sure that ALL OF THESE MOMS are still kids until they turn 18? If she was 16 and pregnant, then I would have to think that she was somewhere in the 17 range. Right? Worse than Ugh, at this point I have that bile taste in my mouth.

SO from there it got worse. She made an appointment and had an abortion. I really felt for her, believe me I did! I was in her position a long time ago, I got pregnant twice in a short period of time and was faced with two life changing decisions. I hold no ill regard against her, because after all it is her body, her life and her burden to bare. But. Later in the show, her husband, or so I think, said something about it not being a child, but a bunch of cells. (I think, again he was mumbling and I could not understand what exactly was said.) That got me. Then I thought, well perhaps this is his way of dealing with the loss. Maybe thinking of it that way, a bunch of cells and not a baby, made it easier to digest. Easier to live with. But she did not like what he said, and she blew up. I wanted to turn it off, but also wanted to see how Dr. Drew was going to analyze this mess.

I should have turned it off. Two more women joined for the last segment and it was not the conversation that I thought it would be. Maybe I was just too disgusted with ALL the programing that I watched that night. Maybe I was just tired of seeing babies who looked to be like more of an ornament than a child, meaning these girls have no idea what in the hell they are doing and this baby is still a very foreign thing to them. Maybe I think these gilrs are all so confused by the cameras and attention that they are getting, not to mention the money, that they really do not know what to think about anything anymore. Isn't raising a family supposed to be fun? Isn't raising a family supposed to be one of the most amazing commitments of life? Isn't raising a family supposed to be the great accomplishments of your life? Well, I did not see much joy in your shows MTV. In fact, I hardly saw any joy in those shows. All I know is that there were not many smiles in all of that programming, not many at all.

Thank you MTV for leading the way in positive influences for our teens!

PS...the real kicker to this whole night of being livid about the state of our youth in this country and their choices, there were three commercials for pole dancing exercise DVD's. How's THAT for product placement? Again, WTF MTV?????????

Teen Mom ~ 16 and Pregnant Question

This question was asked by a reader: "Have you ever seen “Teen Mom”?  One of the girls who is pregnant at 16 and featured on the show chooses to place her baby for adoption.  In the snippets of the show I’ve seen so far (and I haven’t watched as much of it as I soon will), that baby seems to be thriving, is in a very loving and stable home, and it’s hard not to contrast her life with some of the lives of the kids whose mothers kept them.  The teen moms are, for the large part, really unable to care for their kids well.  They struggle financially and in relationships.  It’s hard.  The review I’m writing isn’t about adoption, per se, but in the case of the teens and baby and adoptive parents on the show, it was a terrific situation.  If you’ve seen the show, I’m interested to hear what you think!"

Well, I have many thoughts on this subject and I will try to keep it brief. So, 16 and Pregnant. I have a love/hate relationship with that show. I have written a couple of posts about it because there are times I watch it and I think 'this is great for young kids & adults to see because it is so raw and honest.' Then there is a part of me that says 'Oh man! This is ridiculous! How exploitive this show has become and MTV should be ashamed of themselves.'  MTV is different. I think their intentions were good from the start, but now it has become such a huge money maker for them they are drawn to circumstances that are volatile, vulgar, immoral and harmful all because ... the better the ratings, the bigger the bucks.

I did watch most of the first season, the one that has Catelynn and Tyler the couple that placed their baby girl for adoption. That one interested me because of THAT dynamic. I wanted to see how times have changed, how different or similar I was to her at that age, what his involvement would be and how he would handle the changes not only in his life ... but in the life of the young woman that he fell in love with. There were very sad times that were difficult for me to watch because it really hit home with me. Her sorrow, her guilt, her doubts and her undying need to reach out in some way to let her daughter know that she lives in her heart. I thought that the realities of their story were very intriguing. The maturity with which they handled their decision was wonderful for anyone to look up to. They both showed that they really cared about and wanted a say in what their child's life would he like. As I am sure you know, the adoption world has a HUGE divide in it. There is no gray area, no middle ground. There are those who adore adoption and sing it's praises in everything they do. Then there are those who detest all that it stands for and would do anything to detour everyone from participating in any form of its existence. I think the segments spotlighting that couple was the best part of the shows existence.

The rest, I believe, is really a  debasement of what the teenage mind is capable of, and more importantly what it is INcapable of. The amount of violence that the producers of that show allow is laughable! When you think about some of the story lines, they do not differ much from Jersey Shore except that there is an innocent baby lying there who has no say while his parents act like fools in front of the whole world.

It really is a love/hate relationship. I hope I haven't scared you with my answer. Here are the links to the posts I have previously discussed this on. I have thought about it quite a bit.


http://thebestforyoubook.blogspot.com/2010/05/16-and-pregnanthelping-or-hindering.html

This was a show that had Catelynn and Tyler on, but it is the statistics that Dr. Oz provided about teen sex is what is most notable in this post!
http://thebestforyoubook.blogspot.com/2010/07/teen-sex-crisis-dr-oz-show-and-adoption.html

Teen Sex Crisis: Dr. Oz Show and Adoption

So this morning I was told by a dear friend that Dr. Oz was going to cover the Teen Sex Crisis and the show was going to contain the adoption angle in the form of a birth mother who speaks out about the positives of open adoption. I watched the segment in anticipation and learned a few things along the way. I have never really watched Dr. Oz because I am not religious about watching Oprah and, well, I had seen trailers for his straight forward show about anything pertaining to the body but never watched. I was intrigued by his interest in adoption when it came to teen sex, it was pleasantly surprising.


First, let me run off some statistics about teen sex. Based on a study Dr. Oz found he stated:

8 year old having sex.

1 in 14 Junior High aged kids are having sex.

1 in 3 High School aged kids having sex.

1 in 4 kids age 15-19 have a STD.

3 in 10 women will be pregnant before the age of 20 ... I am in this category.

And now the kickers...

8% of parents polled thought their kids were having sex.

41% of parents polled know what their kids are doing on the web.

50% of teens polled are having oral sex.

75% of teens polled learn about sex from their peers.

Pretty alarming if you ask me. Aaaand, teen sex is at all time high in the summer months. More teens loose their virginity in that season than any other. So, I think the real key here is that last statistic. Parents need to talk to their teens about pregnancy, STD's, emotional tolls, physical tolls ... all that comes from stepping into adulthood through physical attraction. The Good Dr. then moved into the adoption discussion with information about the highest watched television show on MTV last season with over 26 million viewers, 16 & Pregnant. He introduced Catelynn and Tyler from the show and then a montage of footage from when they realized they were pregnant, to choosing the parents, to delivery day, and finally the moment they had to say goodbye to their daughter. I admit, I cried. I always do when someone is telling a baby story. ANY baby story. ESPECIALLY an adoption story. Dr. Oz asked the usual questions...how were you feeling...what was the hardest part...how do you feel now kinds of questions. Then he asked "What do you think it has taught you?" I was happy to hear that question because although it is simple, it is powerful.

Too often, as I always say, the birth mother voice is not often heard on main stream television and if it is shown, it is never shown in a good light...okay, almost never. Catelynn smiled through her rubber bands and braces..."It has taught me so much about love. I know what I did was right and I want her to be proud of us. We are doing better in school, we are going to college, we are working on our relationship. We just want to be the best we can be so she can be proud of us." Well I was proud of her for telling it like it is. She did say how hard some days are for both of them, how sad it is to miss her. She stated that not one day goes by when she does not wake up and think about her daughter. She also said that it was never a regret. She and Tyler get pictures, letters and updates, they were even going to have a visit soon with their daughter and her family. That was when I paid attention because Dr. Oz said, "Oh. You are going to see her? You get to spend time with her?" They replied yes and he seemed genuinely unaware that there were such open relationships in adoption. It was great, and then he wish them luck after such a selfless act. There was no drama. There was no fan fair. It was a good lead for the media because for once I saw someone ask a positive mother, who is doing her best to be a good example, what HER thoughts were about the adoption, not the adoptive parents. (I am not knocking them at all, let's just face it usually these stories are told through their eyes for obvious reasons.) That opinion is so important and really needs to be shown in order to understand the complexities of adoption, to understand the heart that breaks. It is an important factor and not one to be ignored.

Perhaps I should watch his show more often, because anyone who is willing to open their eyes to something they are not aware of, well that's just cool in my book.

16 and Pregnant...Helping or Hindering?

So, a few weeks ago I read a wonderful article about the new season of '16 and Pregnant' and the trial and tribulations of a new cast member who was struggling with the decision to place her child for adoption. It was actually someone who had read the blog of the cast member and wrote his thoughts on the whole thing. It explained that this young woman had been thinking adoption all along and blogging her journey through thoughts and insights. It turns out that after giving birth, she had a change of heart and decided to keep her baby. After sometime at home with her child, she realized that she was not capable of raising her and then placed the baby with a family member. The description of her writing, her honesty with herself about her fears...the writer of the review was fantastic and I really enjoyed the article.




I was just about to leave when I saw the number of comments and my curiosity kicked in and I clicked on the window that would allow me to read others thoughts about this article. When my eyes read the very first comment, a wave of disgust and sickness filled my gut. It was so horrific that I actually did not breathe for a moment, followed by a gasp, then a silence filled with sadness in my heart. This comment was the reason why I thought the show might have more negative repercussions that positive ones. Our young society is a little askew about the realities of raising a child when they themselves are still children (though they would not agree at all!) There, from a reader, came this sentence. "My boyfriend and I are trying to get pregnant so we can be on this show!" Are you sick? You the reader, are you sick? Read what she said one more time and allow yourself to absorb that mentality.



Now that you have seen it, can you understand why I was appalled? There are actually girls out there who have this thinking, this desire to be looked at by millions of people and be judged for the rest of her life based on some crazy need to be what society wants her to be. No one can tell me that the media of today, be it television, movies, magazines, music industry...you cannot convince me that the media of today does not affect our youth. For this girl to say that just made me angry. That is the worst reason in the world to have a baby, so you can be on TV. Really? Has our society come to this? I mean, I have a real love/hate relationship with this show. I understand that MTV has a good idea to try and show the REALITY of being pregnant at a young age and making a lifelong decision that is documented to help others in the position. I know that this point of view, this show that is so very popular, can and will help some out there make an educated choice for their situation. What I have a problem with is how it glamorizes these girls. The show kinda shows the angst that comes out and I think that drives the young audience to think that getting pregnant is a good way to strike back at parents by saying..."Well, I have my own child now so you can't tell me what to do anymore!" Hey, I remember being young and thinking of way to lash out at my mom, but getting pregnant was not one of them!

Wanting to get pregnant for revenge or stardom is not a valid reason for bringing a child into this world. I would hope that anyone who is reading this knows that. And if by some chance you do find yourself pregnant at a young age, find resources that will help you make the right choice for YOU! Don't do it for anyone else but for you and your child. Think about the amount of time, patience, love, forgiveness, knowledge and resources it will take to care for another human being for the rest of your life...for the rest of their life. It is a 24 hour a day job that will bring out the best in you, the worst in you and the wonders of life as you have never seen it before. Life through another's eyes, life that is dependant that you will always be there. Life through another's eyes that will look to you to guide them the right way, a healthy way. Life through another's eyes that want you to teach them about life, about love. Think about all the reasons why, or why not, and then figure it out for yourself. Don't rely on a television show to draft your life, your smarter than that. Or are you?