Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Shoving It Down Our Throats

And most of all, may we all remember to be thankful for everyday that WE still have left. May we remember to do what we can to be the best that we can possibly be. May we all remember to take time to live life, and love what we have around us.

Those were the words that I last left you with. I was talking about 9-11 and the unity that many, if not all, of us felt those weeks, months and few years that followed that unforgettable day. I wrote about it for a reason.

In the Internet adoption world there are many, many stories. That leads to many different facets of chat rooms, websites, blogs and Facebook pages that are formed to accommodate those groups. There are sites for adoptee, sites for adoptive parents, and there are sites for birth mothers. I know and have joined several on all sides so that I can continue to educate myself in the world of which I live. The sites for birth mothers though, that is where I spend a majority of my time and for good reason: I am one.

Recently there has been a rash of good groups or sites that have been started that only fizzle because of the actions of others. I have talked before about this plague, but I have noticed as of late it is just getting out of control.

Hey, if you have had a horrible experience as a mother, I understand. I know you don't think I do, but I do. In my time as one, I have come across a MAJORITY of birth mothers who have NOT had all roses & unicorns. I don't believe that ANY journey in adoption is going to be without a bad time. There are mothers who have reasons, very very good reasons to be pissed. There are mothers who have reasons for wanting to make sure that every single birth mother knows the dangers that are out there, the deceit that has and still does happen today. I say, speak your truth no matter how hard it is for someone else to hear.

However, saying your peace is totally different than shoving negative thoughts and feelings down someone Else's throat. ESPECIALLY if that someone else is a new birth mother who is just trying to get started healing. Looking for a support group and finding what you think will be wonderful can so easily be shattered with words of hate, disgust and complete disregard for human kindness. Want to drive a mother looking for help into a pit of despair? Then hound her all day long with awful stories of bad adoptions, long lists of serial killers that were adopted, blogs of adoptees who call their birth mothers "dead" or "bitch" or post articles about all the horrors of the earlier eras in our country's history that made all unwed pregnant women out to be whores.

Enough is enough. Say your peace if you must, feel free to voice that concern you have for others because those who need to hear those words will reach out to you for more information. And. Leave. It. At. That. No need to post 5 or 6 times a day. No need to ask those painful, personal questions on open forums. Just stop the hounding. Stop the picking. Stop the bullying. Leave those places that offer positive voices because they obviously make you mean. Just let those women get what they are seeking, which is understanding and support.

This is my nice way of saying shove it to the haters.


MariAnell said...


Monika said...

You are AWESOME. I actually posted a blog similar to this after my experience with one of those birth moms and subsequent group affected to which you refer. I'm at peace with my own story. I have 2 great people that are raising my daughter and so far they've encouraged my relationship with them. What I have a problem with is birth moms who don't want PAPs to lump all birth mothers into the "crazy few" but don't hesitate to lump ALL adoptive parents into "deceitful liars" based upon their own experience. Heck. I'm jumping on my soap box with just this comment. Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, thank you for this great post!

Coley said...

Well said, Kelsey, well said!

Sassy Christian Momma said...

love this post! It's truly time for HATERS to find something better to do than to tear down people for their choices and beliefs and experiences!

Campbell said...

Good for you to address this Kelsey. So detrimental, all the bullying that goes on. Big difference between making people think, and making people cry.

Anonymous said...

You go girl!! So well said!