My Junior Bridesmaid

Originally posted in 2009. Just to recap, this is a series of posts that focus on some of the positive moments as my journey as a birth mother...

My Junior Bridesmaid
Bruce and I had been together for 7 years with 3 of those years living together in beautiful California. One September, he suggested that we take a romantic weekend trip to Catalina Island off the coast of Long Beach. I had NEVER been to an island and I thought...How romantic of him! Didn't surprise me, he was always so loving. So we took off from the mainland and arrived in the town of Avalon. The night came and Bruce had bought me a beautiful dress for dinner that night. It was relaxing, quiet, and one of the biggest nights of my life, but I did not know it yet. After eating, we took a stroll on the beach. Discussing the fact that we were on a island, I was rambling on and on about the beauty of the water. Bruce stopped in front of me and said..."If I was on the water, I wouldn't be able to do this..." He then dropped to one knee and began a speech and I soon realized that he was proposing to me. Oh my! I do not remember a word he said because I was so shocked, so surprised, so swept off my feet that I could not hear him...my heart was pounding too hard. I said yes and as soon as we got home from the trip, we called close family and friends to tell them the great news.

I was a graphic designer so I made a postcard to send out announcing the engagement and to let people know we were planning on a Fall wedding the following year. I sent them out the week before Thanksgiving, and as always, I sent a postcard to my daughter's parents. We were in contact through correspondence so it was nothing out of the ordinary for me to send the announcement. Later that week, I got a call from my mother. She was having trouble talking, I could tell she was crying, and she just could not convey what she wanted to say through her tears. I got worried, I thought my dog had died, or worse, a family member. The longer she tried to tell me what was making her verklempt, the more I started freaking out. I was imagining the worst possible scenario. Finally, she took a deep breath and said..."Sophia just called me..." that was my daughter's mom," and she needs to talk to you."

My heart dropped. I thought the worst. I was crying right along with my mother because I was sure that she was hurt, sick, or worse. "What? Why? What's wrong?" I asked franticly. My heart was pounding with every image that crossed my mind showing me a scenario of what could be so horribly wrong.

"Honey...", she sighed,"...oh, Bella got the postcard and she asked if she could be in the wedding." My heart literally did not beat for a moment, I was stunned with that statement. I could not breath, the tears started streaming down my face in a fast and constant flow of relief and happiness. Now my heart was beating almost out of my chest and Bruce could see that I was visibly upset so he too, became worried. "Bella saw the postcard and asked Sophia if she thought you would let her be in your wedding. In other words, she would like you to ask her to be there. Can you believe that?" I was crying so hard, you know that kind of cry where you are not making any noise, your chest is heavy trying to keep composure as not to start wailing.

 "I am stunned. She really wants to be there?" I asked.

 "Yes baby, she does. Remember all those years ago we talked about how great it would be to have her there at your wedding, and what a dream we thought it was? Well, that dream is coming true. You better call them." She gave me the number and I told her that I would call her back after I spoke to Bella. I had to wait a few minutes. I hadn't seen or physically talked to her for many years. This would be the first real conversation with my baby, my beautiful little girl. I was exploding with emotions, mostly disbelief that it was actually happening. I felt sick, I felt elated, I felt nervous, I felt joy...it was all so surreal. I just could not believe it!

I composed myself, sat down and dialed the number. It rang twice and was picked up by a familiar, sweet voice.

 "Hello?"

 "Sophia, it is Kelsey."

"Hello Kelsey. Congratulations on your engagement, we were all so excited to get the postcard. Bella has it on her dresser in her room. What a romantic place that looked like."

 "Oh yes, Bruce is amazing! It was kept secret, I had no clue that he was going to ask but what a wonderful feeling when he did. It was a great weekend. How are you doing?"

We exchanged greetings for a while and then she said, "So, your mom called you and told you what is going on?"

"She did. How do you feel about this? Is this something that you want to do?" I asked.

 "Well, of course we have her best interests at heart, but she really wants to be there. I have never seen her so nervous and excited to ask a question before. We talked about it and we think it would be a good thing, especially if this is what she wants. How do you feel about it?" Like she needed to ask!

"I am thrilled that she would ask this, and as long as you and the family are alright with this, I welcome you there and I would absolutely love for Bella to be there that day." More discussion about schedules and locations, then she said..."Well, she's right here chomping at the bit to get on the phone so I will talk to you soon to go over things. Thank you for calling and here is Bella..."  

My heart was jumping out of my chest. I felt a lump in my throat. I held my breath.

"Hello?" Her voice was like music in my ears.

"Hello Bella, how are you today?"

"I am good, how about you?" I wanted to just shout out 'I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU WANT TO BE IN MY WEDDING,  I LOVE YOU!'

"Great, it is a beautiful day here in California. How are you getting along in softball?" It was my favorite sport in school and she played as well.

"Great. I have been really seeing the ball and hitting it a lot. You used to play ball, right?"

 "You bet I did, I was a great hitter because of my stout and beefy stature. I also loved the outfield, my favorite was left field."

"Cool." We chatted a while and then I said..."So, I heard that you would like to be in our wedding. Is that true?"

 "Yes. I would like to be there but only if you want me there."

Giant tear rolling down my face, I try not to let my voice crack as I respond. "Are you kidding me? I would be so honored if you would be there. I would also like very much if you were my junior bridesmaid, so you can walk up the isle just before I do. How does that sound?"

"Really?"

"Absolutely! Have you ever been in a wedding before?"

"No..." I could hear the excitement in her voice. I could see her bright smile through the phone.

"Well, let's make it happen. I would like for you to be my Junior Bridesmaid. Will you?" I asked.

"Yes I will!!! Thank you! I am so happy and excited."

"Oh my darling, you have made my day! Thank you for wanting to be there with me, it means a lot to me."

"Well, it means a lot to me, too." Oh, this child has my heart all in a bundle. What fantastic parents she has to be so supportive of what she wants. How brave of them to allow her to attend this fantastic day in my life. We were both smiling that day, really smiling. I got off the phone and collapsed into Bruce's arms. He consoled me and sat with me for an hour.

I was crying in relief. I was crying because years of not knowing what she really thought about me was all washed away in that one phone call. I was crying because that whimsical dream that I had all those years ago was coming true, and by her choosing. She came to me. She wanted to be there with me. Oh, I cried and cried and cried. It was so wonderful to hear those words, however light they were, to just hear her say that she wanted to be there...I was ecstatic, and dare I say it, happy. It was one of the best phone conversations of my life.

On October 16, 1999 Bruce Stewart took my hand in marriage. My daughter walked up the isle just before I did, and she was next to me the entire ceremony.

 

Happy Thoughts .... The Nurse

Helllooooo! YES! I am alive and well, but have been running in 19 different directions these last few months. But I am here to let you all know I will have some great posts this month as we talk about National Adoption Month, which is November. In the mean time as I am gathering others voices I thought I would share the series I call Happy Thoughts. Just some positive stories of my experience with adoption....

The Nurse
Well if I am going to advocate for the positives of adoption, I guess I should start telling positive stories! I am starting a series of blogs containing some of the wonderful things that have happened to me as a birth mother. Let's start with this....

After my daughter was born, I was in a private room in the hospital and feeling quite sad and lonely. I knew that I only had a few days with her and my heart was torn between my guilt and my joy. I always had a smile on my face, that is the kind of person I am, but that smile was hiding a broken spirit within. they were keeping the baby in the nursery because I had a dry birth and she was needing attention. (Dry birth ...  my water broke 24 hours before she was born. When the water is absent for that long, it becomes dangerous for the baby because the amniotic fluid is not present to protect from bacteria and germs. It is also a very difficult delivery for the mother because without the fluid the uterus has to contract harder and longer to push the baby out.) The entire nursing staff was accomidating me because they were all so impressed with the decission I had made to place my baby for adoption. I think they were trying to make me as comfortable as I could be so that I could really enjoy the limited time that I had with her. I took a nap and when I woke up one of the nurses was bringing her in.

The nurse was very pretty and had an unforgetable smile. She set me up with all that I needed and she left us alone. After a few hours my daughter was asleep and I was exhausted so I called the nurse station to ask them to take her to the nursery. The same nurse came in and I was still holding my daughter. She came up and rubbed her little head and told me how absolutely beautiful she was. I thanked her and I put her into the crib, I covered her and tucked her in and stepped back. The nurse stood there for a minute and I told her it was alright to go. She started toward the door and then stopped. She turned to me and said "I know that I would get into trouble for saying this...but I think what you are doing is an amazingly selfless thing to do at such a young age. I have worked here a while and I cannot tell you how many girls I see come through here, younger than you, and they keep these babies for all the wrong reasons. I just want to grab them and shake them to wake them up and tell them that there are other alternatives. What you are doing for this family is so amazing. You will hear some horrible things from people who judge you for what you are doing, don't listen to them. I would like to ask that you promise me something." She was now very passionate and I could see the compassion in her eyes through her tears. "What is it?" I asked. "I want you to promise me that from now on, until the day you die, I want you to promise me that you will celebrate Mother's Day. Do something nice for yourself, be good to you every Mother's Day because that is a day that is custom made for women like you. You are an incredible mother and I want you to be proud of yourself." I told her that I would and she grabbed me and gave me a quick, tight, squeeze of a hug and then composed herself.

This was a complete stranger telling me what a difference I had made. I was taken back by her honesty and her utter unconditional understanding of what I was going through. I wish I could find her and tell her that she made an impact on me at a time when I needed acceptance the most. I will never forget her or her words. It is 20 years later, and I am still telling people about this wonderful woman who lifted me up when I was needing it, and helped a heart heal a little more with the kindness of a stranger.

Adoption Advocation, Life Heritage and Ghost Stories ... OH MY!

I found this in the archives and it made me smile. Earlier this week, I asked on my Facebook page what people's thoughts were about birthdays in adoption. I had some great responses, insights and stories from all sides of the triad.

This, I think, is my favorite writting about a birthday (my daughter's 16th Birthday to be exact). I wrote this several years ago, and the irony, circumstances and eventual discovery are quite a journey. Take some time for a good ghost story, with a happy ending!

Adoption Advocation, and Life Heritage and Ghost Stories ... OH MY!

I am going to incorporate positive avocation for adoption, passing on of one's heritage in adoption, and a ghost story all into one post. Inspired by Halloween perhaps, pull up a chair and let me tell you a little story. (Technically this should be a Happy Thought ... but I liked the title by itself so know that this is going to be incredibly positive!)

Have you lost a loved one? Felt some kind of force in your life that makes you think that they could still be there, watching over you? Making sure that you follow through with important things in life? Or just to let you know that they have your back, will be your guardian angel for as long as you walk the Earth? I have one. She lets me know quite frequently that she is here, right beside me as she has always been ... for as long as I can remember.

My biggest supporter in my decision to choose adoption for my children was my mother. She told me time and time again how proud she was of me to put my children before myself. She always told me that I was a much stronger person than she could ever be. She smiled when she spoke of her grandchildren, and that smile grew wider when she explained to people that I was her hero. (Still makes me blush just to write it. If anything, she was my hero my entire life!) She always talked about how one day, she just knew that we would all be together somewhere laughing and enjoying each other. Mom talked of traditions that she wanted to pass along to them in the hopes that she could include them in her life, her family history ... their family history.

One such item was my Sweet 16 Corsage. It was the corsage that my mom received on her 16th birthday and my grandmother had it preserved so that she could give it to me when I turned 16. It was a very sentimental thing, and my mother had mentioned on several occasions that she could not wait to give that corsage to Bella when she was old enough. No matter how things were going in our life in adoption, she always reassured me that it would happen ... I would know them and be a part of their life. She did not know her life would end far sooner than she had wanted, or predicted.

While in the hospital and clearly near the end of her life, we spent a quite morning talking about things. Mom was resting between subjects when suddenly she opened her eyes and said ... "You have to promise me that you will give Bella the corsage. That corsage was pinned on me by my mother, and I pinned it on you, and it should be pinned on her when she turns 16. You have to make sure that your corsage goes to her ... it should be hers. I want her to have it, do you know how important that is to me?" I knew. "Yes, I will make sure she gets it." "I am serious Kelsey, you have to promise me!" She had some fight in her, she was making her point. It was almost a last testament for her, because after that she never mentioned another family member for the rest of the time I was with her.

Years later, when the time came around for Bella's 15th birthday I started to think about that corsage. I still had many boxes from my mother's in my garage so I spent the better part of six months sorting through old memories, photo albums and mementos of my mothers life. I found some wonderful things I had forgotten about, but no corsage. I thought back. I had seen it the year before, I found it in a box and brought it into the house because I knew I would be looking for it soon. But where did I put it? Started cleaning and putting things away in the house. Another 2 and a half months went by and although my house was clean and very organized, I still could not find the corsage. Her 16th was getting close and I was starting to panic about that wish, those last words murmured from my mothers lips: "I am serious Kelsey, you have to promise me!" I wrote a desperate message to Bella's mom asking her if I had sent the corsage to her in advance. She responded no and asked what it was. After explaining the story to her, the significance to my mother, the significance to me ... well she was devastated that I could not find it. 6 weeks to go before the birthday and I was loosing my mind.

I was sleeping one night a month or so later and I had a dream. I was decorating for Halloween in the front yard and thinking about the corsage. As I spread the spider webs, I heard a familiar voice say ... "You want some help doing that?" It was my mother, walking across the front yard. She smiled. It was good to see her. "That would be great", I responded. We finished up the decorating and admired the work we had done. She told me she had to go, she had things to do but thanked me for letting her help with the Halloween festivities. It was always one of her favorite holidays is what she said, but I knew that. Then just before she left she said, "What you are looking for ... you might want to check the kitchen again." And she smiled, then walked down the street.

When I woke up, I had no recollection of the dream. I had overslept and was in a panic to get lunch made, dress the boys and get them off to school on time. It was a hectic morning to say the least, and I really did not think about my dream. Long about noon, I had a moment to sit quietly and it was then that I remembered seeing her again, spending time with her again, hearing her voice again.

Her voice. I remembered what she said about finding what I was looking for in the kitchen. I wasted no time, I looked everywhere for that blue box. I looked in every single cabinet. I looked in every nook and cranny of that kitchen and never once saw a blue box. Nice, I am completely crazy is what I was thinking to myself. I was also crushed that I was not going to find the corsage to give to my daughter on her 16th birthday. My heart sank and I leaned on the counter next to the fridge, sulking in my failure to keep my promise to my own mother. I lifted my head in disgust and was just about to tell myself off when I noticed something in the corner, tucked away. It was a candy holder that I bought at Hallmark (my mother's Mecca!) years back that looked like a witch's spell book, you know like an old thick book on a book shelf...really creepy and deep ... and it held Halloween candy and talked to you when you opened it. I picked it up, laid it down on the counter and took a deep breath.

I opened the cover to hear "Happy Halloween!" in a creepy witch voice followed with cackling and there, laying inside alone, was the blue box that I had so desperately been searching for. I was shaking. I reached in and picked it up, knowing what it was that I had found. I opened it and with one look inside a flood of memories came over me...tears began to flow and I cried uncontrollably. I was a little freaked out. I mean, I certainly do not remember putting that corsage in that box. I really don't think I did. It was not Halloween time when I was looking for it, yet there it was in the kitchen just like she said it would be. I felt like I was in a huge CLUE game
... in the kitchen, with the corsage in the Witches book.
I was really freaked out when I realized that I had exactly two days to send it to Bella! I Fed Exed it off with a card and letter explaining the meaning behind the vintage Sweet 16 Corsage. It made it there, and her mom pinned it on her on her 16th birthday. She thought it was pretty cool that she now had something that was presented three generations ago in her family. I knew she would like it, and deep down I knew that my mother helped me find that thing~!

The moral of the story? Open adoption allows a birth family to pass on traditions to their flesh and blood. To me, that is pretty awesome and inspiring. Sure adoption can have its faults, sure it can be something that many do not understand. But for those that are involved with it, a story like this can inspire some to be more open to their birth families. Just as in my case, it only enhances the child's life to know where, and who they come from. Another moral...always pay attention to those little signs that others are around to help you out in life...no matter HOW freaky they are!

Photo courtesy of etsy.com.

Happy Thoughts #16 ~ Veronica Is Loved

A lack of free time has hindered my communication this past week. That and the flutter that my heart has been feeling since Valentine's Day, all because of a short note my daughter Bella sent me.

Many of you know that I am a bit of an insane volunteer when it comes to kids. Whenever and wherever I can interject my crazy personality to enlighten or uplift kids, I grab that opportunity and run with it. Literally. Book fairs, Scouts, Little League, school functions ... you name it and if it has to do with my kids then I am there 110% and with a smile on my face. 


This was the thought two years ago when my sons' school needed a small fundraiser around Valentine's Day. I offered my time and patience to sell Valentine's to the students and parents.Those grams would then be delivered to the classrooms on Valentine's Day just before the classroom parties. I had to come up with something fun to delight the kids, so Veronica Valentine was born. Veronica is a fairy that comes out on February 14th to shower love on all that she comes in contact with. She wears bright colors, a wreath of garland on her head adorned by hearts or some kind of crazy headgear, her chest is covered by a giant heart that bears her sons names and she smiles so much that her face brings laughter and warmth to all she meets. She was a smashing success that first year and has since made appearances on that day of love to tickle the fancy of elementary kids, not to mention annoying the teachers who have otherwise lost that loving feeling. ;)

2012 was no different for me, running up to the school to sell before the first bell and at lunch ... all the while telling tales of Veronica to those little faces listening intently about the Valentine lady who would be visiting them and delivering all the grams. It was a great success this year, selling over 550 grams at a school with only 340 students. WAY TO GO LOVE! The biggest worry I had all day was what was Veronica going to wear this year? (I wish every day's worries were like that!)


Filled with hope and peace I returned home from the school happy, loving the fact that the office staff and teachers have not put me in the funny farm by now! I sat down at my computer after the kids had settled in bed to catch up on some work for what else ... one of my OTHER volunteer duties. I saw a message was waiting for me and when I saw where it came from, my heart pumped up and a smile rode across my face. It was Bella. I knew what it would say, or at least I hoped I knew what it would say. Scanning across the message, the smile grew and grew. Short message = happiness for weeks. 

She wrote to tell me Happy Valentine's Day. She mentioned Veronica and said that she was hoping to see her picture on Facebook as soon as I had time to post them. She went on to say that she was doing great, that she was happy and enjoying the life she was leading. Then to sum it all up, she wrote 5 words that I will never get tired of hearing: "I love you so much!" She has a knack for knowing when I need to hear those heartfelt thoughts from her. She has no qualms in saying them, and never hesitates to just pop in and let me know that she is thinking of me. 

Imagine that? She is thinking of me. How grateful I am to have been so blessed in my life, and it seems that I am reminded all the time what a sound decision I made for her all those years ago. Thank you Bella for accepting me as I am, and continuing to show me what an incredible young lady you are!

Just for grins, my friend wrote a story about Veronica that she tells to her daughter. I like the explanation so much that I will include it with this post. My friend knows me all too well!  ;)

"O long long time ago in a world that was full of love there was a little cupid named Veronica Valentine. Veronica Valentine lives in a forest in a fairy hole, she sleeps by day and flies by night and sprinkles moon dust with delight. The world became cold and harsh, but every year Veronica comes out of her fairy hole for everyone to see. To spread the word of love, caring, respect, hope and faith that the world will one day be in harmony with each other so all the other fairies can come out and fly. You will only see her for a few days, so please look carefully. If you look into her eyes and just believe, you too will also grow wings and fly around to help the world be a better place. From here on out you will either LOVE her, or think I am the craziest woman you ever saw who always holds her friends in her heart. xxxx oooo Happy Valentines Day!"

Happy Thoughts #15 ~ Coincidence Schmoincidence

Artwork outside of Electric Lodge

When last I left you, I had attended a one man play written and performed by an adoptee. I spoke of how the whole experience left me breathless, and thinking the whole time about my twin sons. Well it continued throughout the afternoon, just had them on my mind. I couldn't help but think of them in Brian's shoes ... feeling the thoughts he was feeling, thinking the same questions he was asking. He brought me to tears, but they were not at all sad tears.

You see, I have been fortunate enough to have the ability to talk with my adopted children. When I say talk, I of course am referring to the Internet and the various way to communicate with people. I can message my children anytime I want, and yes I DO know that I am very fortunate that it has been, and is, this way. So when I say that I had tears it is because when Brian was speaking about how his mothers words made him feel, I cried because I know deep down my children DO like to hear from me. It just lets them know that hey, she really does care and always has regardless of what society might think about birth mothers.

So with them on my mind, I wrapped up my day in Venice with lengthy goodbyes and hearty thank yous to those who made it all possible. I walked a long way to my car but had a smile on my face as I relished in the fact that in my life I was granted a good adoption experience. Traffic was awful, it still amazes me just how many human beings there are in the Greater Los Angeles area! Too many! So I finally hit the freeway and began a comfortable cruising speed. Along the way I noticed something I had not noticed before. Along the side of the freeway my eyes were drawn to a large green hill with letters engraved into the side of it. At first I thought, 'hmmmm ... never seen that before'. The more I thought about it as I passed it, the more curious I became. Then it dawned on me that those were the letters of one of the twins University. I never knew where the school was because again, LA and it's surrounding suburbs is a HUGE place! But there it was, and I thought 'Coincidence?'

This in turn made me contact him and confirm that what I saw was what I saw. He did, and he had a chuckle over it. We had a nice chat that I think made us both smile. Then the next day, I was driving very early in the morning to the campsite where my Scouting family was. The time had changed over night so it was dark out. I was thinking of my other son and wondering if he too knew I was thinking about him the day before. As this thought started, so did a new song on the radio. It was a song that I had not heard for about a year and I had just had it on my mind yesterday. It was Electric Avenue by Eddie Grant. Do you recall where the play was located that I went to in Venice that had me thinking so much about my sons?

Yup, I could not make this stuff up if I wanted to! So of course, I had to message him to tell him of the bizarre events that were happening as a result of this one play that I went to see. He too laughed and said that sometimes things in life happen for a reason. He also told me of a story that had him kind of advocating for adoption, and boy did that make my heart light. I will end this post with a quote from him, and just know that I believe there is a fine line between coincidence and things happening for a reason.

"I told them that one of my heroes in life is my birth mom because she had the courage to act selflessly and give her children the life they thought they deserved. There are those who let the hard decisions arise and there are those who handle the hard decisions with grace. The measure of character is not based on what we are given in life but rather by what we decide to do with what we are given."

Happy Thoughts #14~ Who Could Have Known?

I do the book fairs for my son's school. I was asked to do it three years ago when the former chairman's child moved on to Middle School and I was eager to help out. I fell in love with the idea of changing a room into a Disneyland of amazement and wonder of books for these young children. Oh, there is nothing better than seeing a kid get all wide eyed, as their mouths curl at the ends until nothing but teeth can be seen when walking into the book fair for the first time. I am so into it that I have the self proclaimed pseudo name of Book Fair Betty. She is like a mix between Ms. Frizzle from Magic School Bus, and Phoebe from Friends. Crazy outfits, full of life, unending enthusiasm and creative ideas abound I am a bubbling handful when it comes to reading and kids. It is almost obsessive, me and my Book Fairs.



Read Around the World Book Fair

So, when I came into it I had a rep in Texas that I spoke to who held my hand through the process that first year. The following year I received a call from the new rep, a sweet sounding Southern Bell if I ever heard one. She was fun. Very spunky and so amazed that I did the things that I did with the book fair. She checked in on me often, which I appreciated because if I was getting ready to do a purchase for out of stock books, she would do it right there on the phone sending me what I needed before the next day's business. She is patient, kind and I LOVE listening to her talk. That long Southern drawl ... Like deep fried butter it is!


Read Around the World Book Fair

So, long about the end of last year I decided to send her a copy of my book. I enclosed a letter telling her a brief history and told her that I wanted her to understand my passion for books. I wrote one. I know the importance of authors and their connection to kids. Children's books are amazing gateways to a lifetime of learning, we all know that. So in order for my Southern Bell to understand that it is a passion, and not insanity that causes me to ga-ga for book fairs, I needed her to know who I was personally. I signed the book pretty generically, because after all she is really just an acquaintance through school ... it's not like we go out and shop or get a bite to eat. I mailed it off and did not think much about it after that. I do send out a lot of books to people and this was more of a thank you to her for always being so kind.

Read Around The World Book Fair

About a week or so later my cell phone rang and the screen said Southern Bell. I answered with a hearty hello. There was a momentary pause and I could hear her normally robust voice in a soft tone. She said that she had to call and thank me for sending her my book, and that she had been crying since reading it. I told her that I had no intention to make her sad and immediately I was feeling bad for sending it without some kind of warning. (I had never told her about my children in adoption.) She stopped me cold and told me that she and her husband had adopted a girl and the book touched her so much that she shared it with the office. I was stunned. I told her that I had no idea that she was an adoptive mom, and what a coincidence that neither of us knew of our connection to adoption.


BOGO Beach Fair

She told me how touched she was that I sent her the book. She cried as she told me her story and then told me thank you many, many times. Several times for being a birth mother, a few for having the courage to write such a beautiful story, several for more times for sending it and finally for just being me. For as much as she gushed, it was I that was crying on my end of the phone. I began to think it was not a coincidence, that it wasn't happenstance. I believe that for some reason the world brought us together, it was significant that we meet each other. She touched me that day, and on several days since then as I have thought about her during book fair season ... always with a smile.


Veterans: American Heroes Book Fair

In life, there are wonderful people who are just sent to us for a reason. We don't know why, we may take a while to find this mystical feature that will change us for the better. In a universe full of people who think they don't matter, let this be a reminder that you can touch someone in a good way, even without you knowing it, every ... single ... day.


Book Fair Betty with her Seuss skirt



Happy Thoughts #13 ~ Birthdays & Weddings ... Smiles Through Tears

In a few hours I will be on a plane heading to a wedding, a long awaited family wedding that I am more than happy to be attending. Imagine an eleven year old blond living in a house with all women...her mother, her aunt, her two cousins and then along comes a fiery redhead baby who took all of our hearts with her charm and freckles. She completed a family circle of all women in a Midwestern town, most of whom were often too alike for comfort in a house that was of modest size.

The blond would be me and the redhead would be my cousin, Kerrie. You have to understand that the blood makes us cousins, but the hearts make us sisters. My whole life, from the moment that she was born I had a little sister tailing me wherever I would go. I fondly remember her sitting on the toilet in the bathroom when I was what would now be called a tween, and she would sit and watch in amazement as I would put on make up, curl my hair and then shalack another ozone layer with the Aquanet that was my staple beauty product. Her little blue eyes would just stare as her mouth would ask 100 questions, one right after the other. I knew that she so badly wanted to go with me, but because of her age she could not. She was my little buddy, my #1 fan, my shadow for many years.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, Kerrie would sit with me and touch my belly just fascinated with the growth process. I would fart right in front of her, something that I would not normally do as I am a lady, but I had to get it out when I was as big as a house. She would laugh and laugh, telling me which one was bigger ... which one sounded like a duck ... it sounds weird, but I loved spending that time with her. She heard the word adoption, and she would ask me questions about it so I would explain my thoughts as simply as I could. I know she knew that the baby would not be coming home with us, but I was not sure just how she felt about it. Well, let's just say that I found out soon enough and I was not one to make my shadow very happy.

Kerrie's 9th birthday was overshadowed by the birth of my daughter, something that I could not have planned but it happened none the less. This left Kerrie torn between being aggravated that her day was now shared with Kelsey and her new baby (because let's face it at 9 you really are in your own world and rightfully so), and happy to see the little girl that she watched grow in her idol's belly. I could see that she wanted to be happy, but also wanted to give me the evil eye because she was there with us in the hospital for quite a while. But then, she held Bella in her little arms and all that seemed to make her mad just floated away. I can still see it in my head, Kerrie sitting in a red chair that was entirely too big for her and the BIG GIRL smile she had on her face as she posed for a picture with Bella. I am not sure that she had ever held a baby before. She was pleasantly surprised at how much the baby looked like me, almost mesmerized in her gazing at the tiny face before her.

It may have intruded on her birthday, but something happened that day. My little cousin Kerrie met my daughter on her first day of life, a day that was already so very special to Kerrie. Since then, these two have had a kinship. After seeing each other at family functions through the years, they now send each other cards and greetings on their birthdays. They chat from time to time on the Internet and cheer each other on in life. They were both in my wedding, a fact that I find quite comforting. And this weekend, I will watch my little cousin Kerrie marry the man she loves with my daughter probably sitting right next to me. This is something one cannot imagine in the hospital those precious few days before relinquishing rights. Who would have thought that one day someone so precious to me in my life, Kerrie, would be having a wonderful relationship with my only daughter whom I placed for adoption? How peaceful this particular adoption has turned out, how very fortunate I have been to know Bella and be in the position to see her ... to spend time with her in her life.

So to say that I have butterflies, am anxious and need to get on that plane is an understatement! To see Kerrie as a bride will bring me to tears. Seeing Bella will bring a smile to my face. And I am in luck, smiling through tears is one of my favorite emotions of all! Amazing how life does work out sometimes.

Happy Mother's Day! Why I Celebrate It, and Always Have

It has become a custom of mine to share with all of you the reason why I have always celebrated Mother's Day ever since I became a mother over two decades ago. Sure, I was a birth mother and had no real claim to parenting, but I still saw myself as a mother ... and a good one at that.

The following Happy Thought, the first that I ever wrote for this blog, is still one of my favorite tales to share about my adoption experience. You see, you never know who will come into your life and say the words that will stick with you for the rest of your days. You may not know it at the time, but that person can change not only the perspective that you have of yourself, but also the perspective that you THOUGHT you had of yourself. This amazing woman, whom I hope is still around and making people happy, was such an angel when I needed on the most. She was so unselfish and really made it a point to treat me with respect and also with dignity. I have never forgotten her, and if I could find her today I would tell her that her words ring true in my ears the second Sunday in May of every year since I met her.

So Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there, whether it makes you sad to hear it or puts a smile on your face I am still going to say it. You should celebrate you on this day, and remember that life will always find some way to bring peace to your soul.

Happy Thoughts #1 ~ The Nurse

Happy Thoughts 12 ~ Hot Legs

Oh that second pregnancy was a very difficult one to get used to. You see, with two babies in the same space things became complicated. Simple things. Breathing was sometimes hard when they were moving around and I would have to maneuver into odd positions to help them get comfortable. Eating was a whole new ordeal, I had to keep it simple, light meals all day long otherwise I was too full to breath. Or getting out of bed. What a wonderful adventure that was towards the end of the pregnancy. My cousins had a dog named Pfieffer and he was a big ol' yellow lab that loved to lay right along my back when I slept. Personally, I know that animals have intuitions to pregnancy in humans and I think he knew that I needed the support of his body to keep me on my side as I slept. I was like a bobber. I could stay lying on my side for a while and then gravity would just take over and the next thing I knew I was laying on my back ... trying to roll over which was always an aerobic workout! I mean, there was this huge belly on my then tiny frame so it was challenging to balance at any time, but I somehow managed with Pfieffer by my side.

I was staying with family in the amazing city of Ojai, California. Not far from the seaside town of Ventura, this beautiful town sits in a valley surrounded by mountains on all sides. Ojai means "Valley of the Moon" in the Chumash Indian language, so fitting for the bowl shaped bustling small city that was full of artists, actors, fine glass and jewelry shops, boutiques that sold clothing from far off countries and several fantastic bookstores that were so welcoming. Factoid: Ojai Valley is one of two valleys in the world that run East to West, not North and South. The other is in Tibet. Ojai was also the town that the Bionic Woman was from, in case any of you out there are old enough to know Lindsey Wagner and the character that she played on the popular TV show.

Photo courtesy of Flickr

What stunning scenery I awoke to every morning and I was always eager to take advantage of the landscape, the views, the smells of the fragrant flowers that seemed to grow wild, the peaceful sound of the birds chirping. I could not wait to take it all in, to enjoy it while I was there. So every day I took an hour walk. I explored all there was to see in Ojai. The quaint downtown area, the peaceful Libby Park (which is now the centerpiece of town) is were I would sometimes sit and watch the kids play or catch a grueling tennis match at the public courts. I walked down quite streets covered with trees and lined driveways of rock.

One day I took a right on a street where I had not yet been. Before me was this rather steady grade of a street that lead to a glimpse of what looked like a mountain I had not noticed before. It looked brutal, that hill. For some reason, I went for it and huffed all the way to the top of the street. I stopped and looked behind me and realized just how steep the street really was ... I could not see where I came from! It was an amazing feat for a woman in my condition. It felt great to be at the top, heart beating steady and deep, sweat escaping my skin and the water that I had with me tasted better than any water I had ever had in my life. Everything was so vivid, so alive. In all of this self gratification, I turned to look around me and was amazed. The colors were many ... reds, blues, purples, yellows, corals, you name it I think I saw it. About 60 degrees to my right was this mountain that looked to be RIGHT THERE! Not sure if you have ever seen a mountain, but they are quite deceiving in their size. What you think is right there is really about a mile away. But this, I could see the vegetation on the graduating slopes. I just stood there and took it all in for a while.

This little route started to become my routine three days a week. I often had my Walkman, that's right ... I said Walkman! (remember, this was the early 90's, eons before iPhonemania) and more than any other TAPE I had, the Red Hot Chili Peppers was my walking music of choice. I walked to think. I walked to let the anxiety go. I walked to enjoy what I was fortunate enough to have, and that was a family who was hosting me in their home so that I could be more comfortable in my pregnancy. I walked to clear my head of all the things I knew before, to try to gain some new perspective on how life would be after the boys were gone. I walked in order to get into shape physically to birth two children at once because the doctor clearly told me that he would NOT be allowing me to have drugs. Something about the multiple birth situation. I thought he was overprotective, but he turned out to be right. I wanted to get out every day to think for myself and what I got in return was the most phenomenal pair of legs I had ever had. What a bonus! Oh, and let's not forget about my butt! WOW! I mean, all those hills, both up and down, with a belly full of baby, along with very healthy eating lead to much more than I was asking for. They were muscular and lean. My whole body was slimmer from all the great exercise I was getting, and it did not feel like exercise at all! That was the best part.

One day, about two weeks before I delivered, I was about half way up the hill and my tape needed to be turned over so I could hear everything around me. I noticed the sound of a truck coming up the hill behind me and I moved a little closer to the cars out of courtesy. The truck was not going fast at all, kind of lazy up the street but I thought nothing of it as I worked to get the music going again. The closer the truck got, the clearer the voices were and I could hear what the occupants were saying. They were scoping out the blonde with the legs and asking if I was going somewhere. I smiled. First I was flattered that they were catcalling me, something I don't recall ever happening before. But most of all, I knew that this giant beach ball was hanging off the front of those awesome legs and I knew that the shock of it would just crush their fun. They were slowing down and speeding up, all the while staying behind me but trying to entice me. I set up the music so that it was ready to begin, but I paused it. I stopped walking and just stood there. They were all excited, starting to ask what my name was. I slowly turned around, put my hand on my hip and waved to them. Soon the tires were squealing, their faces were red as a fire engine and the burnt rubber smell hit my nose before the smoke made it to the spot where I stood. They were already at the top of the street. Anthony Keidis began to sing to me. It was a sultry, sexy kind of song and I found it very fitting since I was just rejected in the street by some guys who were saying the same things before they saw the belly. I had a good laugh about it, and so did my cousins later that night.

In that moment of surprising those boys, I knew that I was going to be alright. I still had my sense of humor and that was a good sign. Besides, I was facing a giant shopping trip to purchase a whole new wardrobe because all that thinking, analyzing, comprehending, pondering and walking did produced a very fine set of gams.

I think maybe I will start walking again.

Feeling Festive!

Just wanted to say hello to all of you and let you know that I have been taking a much needed break from the blogging world. Last month was a whirwind and I had so many days thinking about adoption, not to mention advocating for it, that I need to just be for a few days. I want to do some shopping, see some Christmas decorations and just enjoy the season!


I will return later this week with some interesting thoughts, a list of my favorite Christmas themed movies and a brand new Happy Thought. In the mean time, I want to repost this Happy Thought from this past year. It really is one of my favorite memories and I think since this is the season in which we think of those who have meant so much to us in our lives this one is fitting. I cannot tell you enough how many wonderful friends I have had touch my life!

Happy Thoughts #6 ~ A Friend In Need of  a Few Kind Words

Happy Thoughts #11 ~ The Day Before Mother's Day

Several years back my cousin got married in St. Louis, my hometown. Tom was always there when I was growing up so going to the wedding was like seeing a little brother get married. The ceremony was in one of the most beautiful churches that I had ever seen! The reception was held in the beautiful Millennium Hotel, and it was there that the butterflies started in my stomach, really started. They had been there the whole day, actually they started when I stepped onto the plane back in California. But when we got to the hotel I could barely stand up straight or stand still. Why? Because my daughter was going to be arriving at the reception any minute. That's right, Bella was on her way there and I could hardly contain myself.

You see, when I placed Bella with her family I had met them through Tom's dad John, who was also my cousin, but really more like an uncle ... (I know, my husband cannot keep the people in my family straight either. But this cousin was older and like a mentor, so I called him Uncle.) Bella's amazing parents asked my uncle John to be Bella's Godfather so that just in case anything happened to them, she would always have ties to my family. So, when Tom sent out the invitations for his marriage, he included not only Bella but many of her family members because John has business ties with her family. So now that you are completely confused, let me more on to the reception.

I found myself constantly scanning the room looking for a sign that she was there. She is hard to miss being the spark of sunshine that she is, and her laugh is loud and contagious. I wondered if she was nervous? Was she excited? When would she be there? My family was just as anxious as I was because like me they had the pleasure of watching her grow throughout her life but since she had grown into young womanhood they had not seen us together since my wedding 7 years before. (see Happy Thoughts #7) We were all trying to contain ourselves, all the while looking around keeping an eye out for her entrance. The longer we waited, the harder it was to breathe. I was so nervous, so tickled that I would be spending the evening with her.

Then, from across the room I could see John smiling, talking and walking with someone towards my direction. He made eye contact with me and I could see in his face that he was with her. I stood up to get a better look and straighten my dress and hair. He winked at me, confirming that she was right there with him. Around the huge pole they went and on the other side my eyes met hers, and I could hear a collective sigh from all my family members that were sitting next to me ... me? She took my breath away! Long flowing brown hair, round face, sparkling green eyes, freckles abound and a smile that had me feeling like I was looking into a mirror ... she was stunning. I could not stop the water from filling my eyes as I saw her walk a little faster towards me, obviously as excited to see me as I was to see her. I lifted my arms as tears fell out of the corners of my eyes. She smiled and walked right up to me and returned the hug. There was no sound. There was no one else there at that moment. In my mind I was just standing there with me and her. 'You are gorgeous! Oh, thank you for coming!' I muttered in her ear. "It is so great to see you!" she said through her tears. It was one of the best hugs ever!

We then looked at each other for what seemed like forever. I felt like I was star gazing, and her smile was blinding! I could hear sniffles and crying going on around me because of the emotional feelings my family has towards her, towards my adoption choice. It was the beginning of a night filled with dancing, laughing, chatting, staring and just being together. There were many photographs that were taken of us that night, matter of fact after we first embraced (even during the squeezing) you would have thought that Brad and Angelina were there, the flashing was more like paparazzi than everyday pictures. We mentioned it to each other and laughed, telling each other how fabulous we were.

Later, as we were enjoying the reception I had to keep passing the section that had the rest of her family, many of whom I have never met. I noticed my first time up, many eyes were on me watching me walk to the bar to get my Scotch. (Needed to calm that craziness in my heart and mind!) I was met with many smiles, many nods as if to say 'Hello, we appreciate you', but also some gaping mouths because to look at me is to look at her. WE are nearly identical in looks, and let me tell you the smile is just TOO similar! It is me, younger and with darker hair. This was the first time for many of them that they were seeing me so I am sure it was a shock to see so much of her in me. There were a couple of people who said hello to me, some that came and introduced themselves to me and some that took the time to tell me just how much Bella has meant to them and how wonderful she is to have in their lives. This, for me, was like listening to a beautiful opera. These compliments, these words of appreciation but most of all the words of praise that all of them had for Bella just made me so proud. It was a night filled with validation for me that she really was leading a happy, healthy, loved and beautifully blessed life.

Bella and I reconnected that night. We enjoyed being together that night. We had the opportunity to just hang out with each other and explore one another after some years on hiatus from other meetings. I could tell that she truly loved me in all that she did and said, not to mention the look in her eye was one of admiration throughout the evening. It broke both of our hearts to leave that evening. She and I both cried, not because it was sad but because we just did not want the fun to end. I was on cloud nine that evening, and for about three months after that. Just thinking about it takes me back and brings a smile to my face even as I write this. How very blessed I am that her family raised her to know me, to understand me and to accept me for the person that I am.

I awoke the next morning and it was Mother's Day. I would have to say that it was one of the best Mother's Day ever.

Adoption Advocation, and Life Heritage and Ghost Stories ... OH MY!

I am going to incorporate positive advocation for adoption, passing on of one's heritage in adoption, and a ghost story all into one post. Inspired by Halloween perhaps, pull up a chair and let me tell you a little story. (Technically this should be a Happy Thought ... but I liked the title by itself so know that this is going to be incredibly positive!)

Have you lost a loved one? Felt some kind of force in your life that makes you think that they could still be there, watching over you? Making sure that you follow through with important things in life? Or just to let you know that they have your back, will be your guardian angel for as long as you walk the Earth? I have one. She lets me know quite frequently that she is here, right beside me as she has always been ... for as long as I can remember.

My biggest supporter in my decision to choose adoption for my children was my mother. She told me time and time again how proud she was of me to put my children before myself. She always told me that I was a much stronger person than she could ever be. She smiled when she spoke of her grandchildren, and that smile grew wider when she explained to people that I was her hero. (Still makes me blush just to write it. If anything, she was my hero my entire life!) She always talked about how one day, she just knew that we would all be together somewhere laughing and enjoying each other. She talked of traditions that she wanted to pass along to them in the hopes that she could include them in her life, her family history ... their family history. One such item was my Sweet 16 Corsage. It was the corsage that my mom received on her 16th birthday and her mom had it preserved so that she could give it to me when I turned 16. It was a very sentimental thing, and my mother had mentioned on several occasions that she could not wait to give that corsage to Bella when she was old enough. No matter how things were going in our life in adoption, she always reassured me that it would happen ... I would know them and be a part of their life. She did not know her life would end far sooner than she had wanted, or predicted.

While in the hospital and clearly near the end of her life, we spent a quite morning talking about things. She was resting between subjects when suddenly she opened her eyes and said ... "You have to promise me that you will give Bella the corsage. That corsage was pinned on me by my mother, and I pinned it on you, and it should be pinned on her when she turns 16. You have to make sure that your corsage goes to her ... it should be hers. I want her to have it, do you know how important that is to me?" I knew. "Yes, I will make sure she gets it." "I am serious Kelsey, you have to promise me!" She had some fight in her, she was making her point. It was almost a last testament for her, because after that she never mentioned another family member for the rest of the time I was with her.

Years later, when the time came around for Bella's 15th birthday I started to think about that corsage. I still had many boxes from my mother's in my garage so I spent the better part of six months sorting through old memories, photo albums and mementos of my mothers life. I found some wonderful things I had forgotten about, but no corsage. I thought back. I had seen it the year before, I found it in a box and brought it into the house because I thought I would be looking for it. But where did I put it? Started cleaning and putting things away in the house. Another 2 and a half months went by and although my house was clean and very organized, I still could not find the corsage. Her 16th was getting close and I was starting to panic about that wish, those last words murmured from my mothers lips: "Make sure she gets that corsage...promise me." I wrote a desperate message to Bella's mom asking her if I had sent the corsage to her in advance. She responded no and asked what it was. After explaining the story to her, the significance to my mother, the significance to me ... well she was devastated that I could not find it. 6 weeks to go before the birthday and I was loosing my mind.

I was sleeping one night a month or so later and I had a dream. I was decorating for Halloween in the front yard and thinking about the corsage. As I spread the spider webs, I heard a familiar voice say ... "You want some help doing that?" It was my mother, walking across the front yard. She smiled. It was good to see her. "That would be great", I responded. We finished up the decorating and admired the work we had done. She told me she had to go, she had things to do but thanked me for letting her help with the Halloween festivities. It was always one of her favorite holidays is what she said, but I knew that. Then just before she left she said, "What you are looking for ... you might want to check the kitchen again." And she smiled, then walked down the street.

When I woke up, I had no recollection of the dream. I had overslept and was in a panic to get lunch made, dress the boys and get them off to school on time. It was a hectic morning to say the least, and I really did not think about my dream. Long about noon, I had a moment to sit quietly and it was then that I remembered seeing her again, spending time with her again, hearing her voice again. Her voice. I remembered what she said about finding what I was looking for in the kitchen. I wasted no time, I looked everywhere for that blue box. I looked in every single cabinet. I looked in every nook and cranny of that kitchen and never once saw a blue box. Nice, I am completely crazy is what I was thinking to myself. I was also crushed that I was not going to find the corsage to give to my daughter on her 16th birthday. My heart sank and I leaned on the counter next to the fridge, sulking in my failure to keep my promise to my own mother. I lifted my head in disgust and was just about to tell myself off when I noticed something in the corner, tucked away. It was a candy holder that I bought at Hallmark (my mother's Mecca!) years back that looked like a witch's spell book, you know like an old thick book on a book shelf...really creepy and deep ... and it held Halloween candy and talked to you when you opened it. I picked it up, laid it down on the counter and took a deep breath.

I opened it to hear "Happy Halloween!" in a creepy witch voice and there, laying inside alone, was the blue box that I had so desperately been looking for. I was shaking. I reached in and picked it up, knowing what it was that I had found. I opened it and with one look inside a flood of memories came over me...tears began to flow and I cried uncontrollably. I was a little freaked out. I mean, I certainly do not remember putting that corsage in that box. I really don't think I did. It was not Halloween time when I was looking for it, yet there it was in the kitchen just like she said it would be. I felt like I was in a huge CLUE game ... in the kitchen, with the corsage in the Halloween book. I was really freaked out when I realized that I had exactly two days to send it to Bella! I Fed Exed it off with a card and letter explaining the meaning behind the vintage Sweet 16 Corsage. It made it there, and her mom pinned it on her on her 16th birthday. She thought it was pretty cool that she now had something that was presented three generations ago in her family. I knew she would like it, and deep down I knew that my mother helped me find that thing~!

The moral of the story? Open adoption allows a birth family to pass on traditions to their flesh and blood. To me, that is pretty awesome and inspiring. Sure adoption can have its faults, sure it can be something that many do not understand. But for those that are involved with it, a story like this can inspire some to be more open to their birth families. Just as in my case, it only enhances the child's life to know where, and who they come from. Another moral...always pay attention to those little signs that others are around to help you out in life...no matter HOW freaky they are!

Photo courtesy of etsy.com.

Happy Thoughts 10 ~ A Simple Birthday Wish

I had a big birthday last month. Turned 40. 4-0. Not too shabby! I loved approaching 40, much more than 30. That year, well the year leading up to 30, involved getting married, having my son Bodde, loosing my mother one month after he was born, buying a house...THEN turning 30. Oh holy crap! Two weeks before that birthday I was reading a magazine article about the life changing periods that add 10 years to a woman's face: 5. Having Children 4. Getting Married 3. Buying a House 2. Loosing a Parent 1. Loosing a Spouse. Great! I had 4 of the top 5 within a 10 month span. Add 40 years and I was a HOT 70!

So, 40 I was looking forward to. Older, wiser, free of young expectations and settling into my womanhood with grace and a little bit of sass. I woke to a wonderfully decorated home ... 40's EVERYWHERE! The boys were anxious for me to open presents but not before they gave me a pink and black boa along with a fancy birthday hat and boinging things that bobble on your head from a headband. Love was abound in the Stewart House and I reveled in the rambunctiousness of my children and adoring looks from my husband. Cool shirts, necklaces, earrings, lots of girly stuff and then they made me close my eyes because there was a big present for me. When I was instructed to open them, in front of me was the coolest bike anyone had ever given me! Beautiful crisp white Tony Hawk BMX bike with neon green trim on the wheels and body. It looked GREAT against the stark white, I LOVED IT! My husband asked me a million times if I really wanted a trick bike for my birthday and I kept telling him that I was bored just watching the boys at the skate park and I wanted to get in there and ride with them. My boys thought the bike was WICKED and that Mom was nothing like a regular 40 year old who, according to them, would eat lunch at school with George Washington. Nice!

I was off with the boys to the County Fair Parade to ride on the float for the Cub Scouts. I was excited and although I am a leader and I wear a Class A uniform to Scout functions, this time I Kelseyfied it a little in honor of 4 decades of life. Oh ya, I made sure I was a spectacle of Birthday Joy! All the boys there signed a gigantic card that was made just for me, so I felt very loved and appreciated as I floated down Main Street in my FABULOUS sash. Really, really fun! If I would have had a microphone, I would have jumped up and lead the float and crowd in a rousing rendition of "Twist And Shout", a la Ferris Bueller!

My hubby likes to surprise me from time to time and he was making arrangements for the boys to spend the night with relatives so he could take me to a nice dinner and a night on the town. As he cleaned the house.....I repeat, cleaned the WHOLE house....I rode the ramps in the driveway with the boys for the first time on my new super cool bike! I was not jumping around like a pro or anything, but I have to say that my oldest boy looked quite happy just riding around with his Mom. Just a great day spent with the family, so happy to be where I am in life, to have had the amazing journey that I had had. I was feeling pretty blessed and abundantly happy, content.

The boys left to relatives house and Bruce was getting ready for the night out. As I waited for him, I sat down at the computer to turn shut things down and turn it off for the night. I noticed that I had a new message in my box. My heart filled with excitement when I saw the name. I took a deep breath and clicked. I read and a smile came across my face. It was one of my twins sending a birthday message. I had only been in contact with him and his brother for a year in September, so here it was the first birthday that I had after they knew who I was, and he sends me a message. I was floored, I was ecstatic, I was shaking from shock and happiness. I am sure that he only took a minute to send it to me, but what it meant he could never know! I had not heard from them in a while and in that time I had sent them a signed book for their birthday. I did not know if they liked the book, or understood it, or what they thought. He addressed the issue in his message, and it was the most wonderful cherry atop an already FABULOUS birthday.

"I hope you had a marvelous day! I have read your book several times as you could guess and I cannot tell you how proud I am! I even brag about it to all of my friends. A friend of the kids I babysit is adopted and I recommended your book to her family and I am sure they will love it. Your special day is well deserved for someone with such a huge heart! Happy birthday!!"

How could August 7th, 2010 not be the best birthday yet? The love I received, the words of appreciation I so needed to hear, the amazing man and children I have been blessed with, it all came together on one day to help this mother feel complete and at peace. How very thankful I am!