Kelsey on Adoption Angles
Click the sentences above.
Click menu. click movies. Click my name...enjoy!

When you begin watching and I come on, you need to crank up the volume because there was a mic issue. The sound gets louder as we go along, but know that you have to TURN IT UP!!!!



I think I did pretty good for my first time. I tried to convey that I do not represent all birth mothers, but I represent a positive voice who tells her story to help others know that it is a sisterhood with many stories and views, but a sisterhood none the less. And most important, when open adoption is really open, it has potential to be very rewarding for all involved.

Thank you Melissa for the opportunity to shine in my own light. You are doing such a wonderful thing with your show, so original, so free, so informative. Thank you for being you!

Why do people think Birth Mothers do not have morals? WHY?!?!?!?!

“They are a strong, Christian, pro-life family. They figured I must have had morals, since I kept him,” Stephanie said. ~ fwdailynews.com

This statement ruined an otherwise great article I was reading about a woman who found herself pregnant at a young age and kept her baby. She continued with school, was able to pull her life together and she is now trying to teach teenagers that abstinence is the best solution for sexual deviance. It was a great read, until I hit that particular sentence...then I was just mad. So because I took responsibility for my actions and did what I thought was best for my child at the time, that means in some people eyes I have no morals? Because I asked for help at a time when so many would not or could not, I have no morals? Because I chose to let my children walk without me and have a life far better than I could have ever provided for them, I have no morals? Well, I have a few things to say about that and some of you may not like it.

Morals definition: 1) of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical: moral attitudes. 2) capable of conforming to the rules of right conduct: a moral being. 3) of, pertaining to, or acting on the mind, feelings, will, or character: moral support. I was raised in a home with strong morals and it was that strong upbringing that lead me to choose adoption for my children. I took responsibility for my actions and although it did not benefit me, I made a decision based on what I thought was best for my children at that particular time in my life, and more importantly, their lives. I was not able to care for a child then. I was not of sound mind and body to care for my children at the time. And since I have a deep religious faith, I asked God for his guidance to help with my heartbreaking decision to place my children with other families. I do not think that my morals were bad at the time, in fact, I think they were right on the money according to definition #1. I did not think that it was right that I should be raising children when I was already having a difficult time myself. I knew in my heart that I was not the right parent for them, I knew that. And when I asked God to help me, he confirmed to me that I was right in my thinking. How do I know that? Because he sent me the right parents to do so. He lead me to the couples that understood what I needed to know in order to relinquish my rights as their mother and allow them to be raised by another family. He helped me every step of the way and then some. 20 years later, He is still showing me that I made the right decision for my children in the way they think of me, are proud of me, and consider me a strong woman with an abundance of courage. I think to say that keeping your child in a difficult situation is the morally right thing to do is a slap in the face of all those women who live every day with a hole in their heart for doing what they thought was morally sound in their mind.

Does this article say that those that do choose adoption for their children are not moral? That is how I read it. But I am here to tell you that my morals were in line with what He wanted me to do. And the bottom line is that if He sees that I did what I thought was best, well, His opinion is what really matters. His and my children's opinion. As long as they understand that their mother loved them enough to admit that she could not raise them alone and did her best to make sure that were taken care of, well then I would say that my morals were right on the money.

It is statements like the one above that just make others think badly of birth mothers/first mothers and to me, that is a real shame.

Dear Anderson Cooper....Haiti is not the only country with adoption issues

Dear Anderson Cooper,
I watch you as often as I can because I appreciate the humanity that you have while reporting, not to mention the hard hitting issues that you so eloquiently expose. I have been intrigued with your reporting in Haiti, the face of devistation that your program has shown has been outstanding reporting, but heartbreaking to watch. Thank you for all you are doing there and all the light that you have shown on many ongoing issues. I am writing about one particular subject, one that is a hot topic, but I am not writing for reasons others are voicing their opinions about.

Your coverage of the missionaries that have been arrested and accused of trying to take children out of the country illegally has been intriguing to say the least, and eye opening at it's best. Last week you returned to the US, but one night spent 23 minutes on the "adoptions gone wrong" in Haiti, the next night 15 minutes on the background of the ringleader, and another night an indepth look into international adoption. I want to know when you are going to give that much time on your program to do an indepth story about adoption domesticaly? Why are you not looking into the illegal practices in our system? The onslaught of coercion that women have endured and continue to endure? Why are there unpleasant attitudes regarding the adoption process, especially the birth parents, that happen right here at home? Domestic adoptions are for many, a nightmare. I have a real problem that you have given this much time on your program for this very controversial subject in Haiti, and not do a follow up here in the States to uncover what so few people know: adoption needs to be reformed, now.

I placed three children nearly 20 years ago in two different adoptions. I did not have a good experience with my first in Missouri. My second was better because of the liberal laws in California, but still not an easy road at all. I have since found a nation of women who have so many different stories about adoption. All are unique, all are heartbreaking, some have good endings and some are still fighting the demons that were put upon them so long ago. You see, adoption for the first mother is not the walk in the park that people think it should be. Don't get me wrong, some folks can understand the loss that we go through. But the majority might be shocked to know that it is a lifelong, ever evolving journey that can change lives on any given day. There are generations of women who were forced to give their children away against their will. There are generations of women who were sent away from eveything they knew because they were pregnant, and they too were coerced into giving up their children. There are generations of women who chose to place their children for adoption, but shamed by a society that thinks they are evil for not raising their own children. There are generations of women who chose to place their children but were treated so badly by the system, they were bullied into keeping their children and made to feel selfish for wanting to do what they thought was best for their children. There are also generations of women, myself included, that have made the choice, healed their hearts, have a happy outlook and now advocate for the positives of open adoption, a side we see too little of. So many stories, so many differnt outcomes, so many human rights violations.


I would like to invite you to contact me and I will direct you to the proper places where you can read for yourself the stories that I speak of. I will show you that there are those who are fighting to change the system because of the horrors that they went through. I will show you those who are still heartbroken and have a negative outlook, but are doing their best to show others how to avoid what they were subjected to. I will show you those who have healed and have positive outlooks to adoption, but not without a price. I will show you that here, in our own country, adoption is so overpowered by rules, laws, politicians, state social workers, money and thoughtless aftercare it will turn your stomach. I will make you think about the reasons there is so much pain, sometimes shame, and always a reminder that somewhere, someone thinks we are horrible women. And that is not the end of it. The real problem in this country is that no matter what the circumstances are in the adoption, the aftercare for the mothers is, most of the time, non existant  and when it is avaialable, it is a joke.

One of the main problems with adoption, whether it be a choice or a coercion, is there is not nearly enough support for the mothers after placement. Many, I again include myself, were promised aftercare but never received it. Many women were told to never talk about it. Many were told that they had to just get over it and move on. Many women were reliant on the support of their loved ones and friends to help heal the pain. I would bet that almost every woman that enters into adoption is promised that they will get the proper care and counseling that they will need to begin the process of healing. It is an absolute lie. Those adoption agencies, lawyers and social workers need to move on to the next case, the next victim. It is truly one of the best kept secrets out there in this country and there are so many women that have found their voice, found the courage to speak out and make a change. These are the voices that I would like to introduce you to, show you that if you gave US that much time on your program we could all help to make a change right here at home. These are the voices that are brave enough to show you their heart if it will help someone else make the right decision. These are the voices that should be the face of adoption, trying to make changes that can help future genrerations of women. These are the stories that you should be reporting on, if you want to cover adoption domesticaly as much as you have internationally.

I thank you for your time and encourage your comments,
Sincerely,
Kelsey Stewart
Author, The Best For You

750K Teenage Pregnancies in 2006. Did I Read That Right???!!!

As I was flipping through the channels tonight I came across a show that had several "experts" talking about teenage abstenance and how the kids today need to be taught to just withold from sex until they were married. I was intrigued, as I always am with the subject of teenage pregnancy because I was one of those statistics way back when, so I started to watch the program. As I was watching I read a blurb on the screen that said 750K TEENAGE PREGNANCIES IN 2006. Wow! That is a lot of pregnancies. I mean, a lot of pregnancies. Sure, some will argue that when you figure in the population and blah blah blah. Then they put up the blurb that President Obama is pouring 100 million into programs to promote abstinence. That's good, right? There needs to be that much money put into a program that will no doubt be whiped from our children's minds as soon as they pick up a magazine, watch a television program or turn on the computer. 100 million dollars to teach kids to say no to sex. What a waste of money.

I think a much better idea is to hire someone who has the balls to stand up to the FCC about the crap that is on television, and let's not forget about the radio, and regulate what shows are scheduled at what times. I remember during the holidays that I saw "Knocked Up" on some cable station at 1:00 in the afternoon on a Saturday. Really? Can we wait until after 9 or 10 to put that on? VH1, which used to be one of my favortie channels because of all the hilarious retro shows that used to be on (Anyone love I LOVE the 70's as much as me?) is now riddled with shows about superficial people using their sexuality and lack of self respect to get their fifteen minutes of fame. MTV has Teen Mom which I see the point to, but the situations on that show (with the exception of Caitlyn) are horrible examples for teenagers to be watching these days. Find a video on and you will think it is soft core porn. Pick up a magazine and you will see more skin on the pages than interview. Even worse, I found a dirt bike video on the computer the other day, you know the ones that are kiddie and cute? After it loaded and I set him up with his game, I scrolled down to bring the whole picture into view and right there at the bottom of that page was this busty brunette asking if my 6 year old wanted to play. Are you kidding me? What in the world  happened to values? What happened to the morals of the government that runs our country? Why is everyone so afraid to stand up and remind people that this programing, print and media is so influential on our kids today?

Look at that number in the begining of this post. 750K girls were pregnant in 2006. I am sure that the number has gone up in the last 3 years and I want to know what was done to counsel those 750K girls back in 2006. Obviously the NO SEX campaign did not work then and I don't think it will make a huge dent now. Oh...did I mention that Former President George W Bush doubled the amount of money thrown at this abstinence campaign while he was in office? These statistics were form his tenure in office, so I think I can make the statement that President Obama is going to waste our money. I have an alternative place that the 100 million can go. First, put it towards eductaion and get Health Classes back in our schools. These kids need to know how their bodies work, especially in the teen years. The rest of that money can go to the after care of birth mothers to ensure that they have a good start to life after loosing a child. Sounds crazy huh? But it seems to me that money spent on helping those that can help make families, that just might be money well spent. Our society always focuses on the negatives of adoption, how it affects everyone in a negative way. Well, that is not true. There are a number of women who have somehow, by the grace of God and their own inner strength, been able to heal and live life happily as a birth mother. Good for us. But there are also SO MANY out there who are not having a good time adjusting, are not able to heal from their pain, and cannot see a feisable way to live life happily knowing their child is out there without them. It is a bigger problem than you think. When you hear of a parent that has lost a child, you know that they are in for a long road of sadness and pain. Birth parents loose their children as well, but no one thinks of it that way. Birth parents loose a part of themselves but are expected to just move on, just forget about it and the feeling will go away. We are often hit with the old "you made your bed, now you lie in it" mentality and this is why you do not see the proper support for these parents after the birth.

There are rehab centers for alcoholics to recover and learn to be sober. There are rehab centers for drug addicts to kick their adictions. There are rehabs for gambling, sex addiction, food addiction. These are all things that we accept that people need life long help with, no lack of centers for these problems. Why are there not more centers or rehabs for birth mothers? Although we relinquish our rights to our children, we cannot relinquish the right to love and be forever curious about them. Being a birth parent is a life long process and if we want the system to change we need to start helping those that are brave enough to make it all happen. Because when you think about it, there is no adoption without the birth parents. So let's start supporting them more and see what happens. I think it is worth a shot.