Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Journey That Defined My Book - Part One

At 19 I found myself pregnant by way of tetracycoline. My dentist gave me the anitbiotic out of the office, samples, and never asked if I was on birth control. The father of the baby was a great guy, however it was apparent at the time that we were not going the distance. I went the preganacy alone and had one hell of an experience with the State of Missouri. Horrible treatment of birth mothers there! The evil woman of a social worker told me one month before I was due that I would not be placing the baby with the parents that I chose because I knew their phone number and where they lived and that was not how MO did adoptions. She demanded that I find a new agency, new parents and not know anything about my child. One month before my due date, nice timing! She made me feel like a criminal and had the audacity to say "Well if you would have kept your legs closed perhaps you would not be in this situation." She scared the shit out of me and I left there a complete mess. My mother was ready to go postal on those people in that office, very Aurora Greenway in "Terms of Endearment". Lucky for me the parents that I HAD chosen in the first place were lawyers themselves and they made sure we found an agency that would take them and not give us any trouble about it. Believe me, half of the girls in that state that have babies and keep them after "changing their minds" are bullied into thinking they are some terrible person for wanting to place their child for adoption. I say this because I know of two girls that that happened to and they will tell you to this day that they were meant to feel like whores and were pushed into keeping the babies. It really is sad and unfortunately those are usually the stories that you hear about in the media, all negativity toward the birth mothers who come back and want the baby or who change their minds at the last minute.

I had my daughter and was able to give her to the parents that I wanted. I told them that all I wanted in exchange was for them to send me pictures and let me know how and who she was. They went far beyond that, they let her be a part of my life and me a part of hers. I have seen her as she has grown...babysitting her, hanging with her at lunch when they were in my home town, my mother was able to go shopping with her to buy her first communion gown. When I sent out the announcements that my boyfirend had proposed, my daughter called me and asked if she could be in my wedding...that was a dream fulfilled right there! She was my Junior Bridesmaid and she walked up the isle just before I did, not a dry eye in the place. The last time I saw her was a couple years ago Mother's Day weekend at a family wedding. The room was filled with anticipation and when she got there it was like the paparazzi covering a star! Pictures of us embracing for what was an eternity, we had not seen each other since my mother's momorial (again, how lucky am I that they drove all the way to my home town be there for me in my time of sorrow?) which was a lapse of 6 years...the longest we had ever gone without seeing each other. We danced and talked and danced. It was amazing! She just graduated in May and is going to college this fall. I sent her this book before I decided to publish it. She loves it and is very excited that I am going to tell my story to the world. I hope that my book, The Best For You, can help children everywhere with their feelings about being adopted.