Thursday, January 12, 2012

What An Awful Thing To Say

Oh no you didn't!
I am doing some research for an article that I am writing and yesterday I asked a question on my Facebook Page and the responses were astounding, heartbreaking and down right jaw dropping.

I try to look at the positive side of things and ultimately I see the good in my journey through adoption. I asked this question because I really am curious to know which side gets the worst of it. Turns out, all sides of the triad of both adoption and foster care get some pretty incomprehensible things said to them, not just by complete strangers but even worse, those they know and love. 

So I ask this question of all my readers and passerby's:

What is the most negative thing someone has said to you regarding adoption?

Please know I ask this with respect and my intent is to write about these responses in a future article. No names will be used, I will only identify what side of the triad you speak from.

I welcome all to answer with as much explanation or as little as you like.


Linnea said...

When my husband and I did foster care we went to a family members house to swim. They had a bunch of family there. We walked in the door and the guy on the couch said," Whats a matter couldnt have your own kids?" Then he said "well if your gonna take other peoples kids at least make em be the same color as you."

Well I was far less mature then so I screamed "Redneck hillbilly bigot!" We left. Its been 7 years or more and I have no seen them or talked to them. I will have none of that in my life.

We started the adoption process for a russian girl, long story short we lost her. Before we lost her I was in target and someone was chatting with me when a woman came up from around the corner said she heard our conversation. "Why dont you adopt from your country first?! We have plenty of kids here." Im sorry how many American kids have you adopted, none, oh thought so.

We adopted a child domestically. He has Trisomy 8. We knew this. We lost a lot of "friends" over this adoption. One person said, "I wouldnt touch that with a ten foot pole!" (meaning my child) I also got "what about your real children? Arent you worried about how this will affect them?" Nope! They are all real all mine and if I had birthed a SN child would you have said the same things? Didnt think so.

Now we are in the process to adopt another child. This time with Trisomy 21. This child may be a different race than us. Bring it on!

Be blessed


LeMira said...

This wasn't in reference to my children, but I've heard it more than once, and each time it made my skin crawl.

One mother, in introducing her family to a group of people said, "I have seven children: six of my own and one adopted."

The other lady in telling me about her son and his wife (who have adopted more than one child) finally got pregnant through IVF, told me "They are finally having one of their own!"

Maybe it's just me, but I was appalled that someone would refer to their children or grandchildren as "not theirs." My boys are my boys. While one is adopted and one is biological, I do not distinguish whether one is mine and one is not. They are my children.

On Loan From Heaven said...

Oh, girl! We have a whole SERIES of these comments going on at my blog... I CANNOT believe the audacity some people have! Though, admittedly, I know that most comments come from ignorance and yes, it's our job to educate but even knowing that, I still go home and cry. Thanks for educating, too... we can't have enough of it not only for us AP's but for our kids, too!

Here's our What Not To Say to an Adoptive Parent...


Anonymous said...

One of my uncles said, "Maybe you should foster first to see if you could love a child who isn't yours."

The supposedly expectant mom who scammed us said, "If I were you, I wouldn't tell anyone she was adopted. I'd just let them think you had a black boyfriend."

My husband's employer loaned us money against future paychecks to complete Jackson's adoption. Later, they had to let DH go, and we had to pay back the money. The VP said that they joked around the office that they would have to repossess my son if we didn't pay them back.