Relinquishing Rights

I had never heard these words used together before. I was sitting in a lawyer’s office and he said them while discussing the legalities of adoption. I was looking out his window thinking about the unbeleivable situation I was in. Six months pregnant, unwed, still enrolled in college looking forward to a carreer, but wondering how I can even think about that. I was pregnant. I was about to carry a baby to full term, then just be able to hand her to her new parents and return to life? How can that happen? Then I heard those words fall from his mouth. “...you will relinquish your rights.” What? What does that mean? It sounds awful. So I asked him to explain it to me in laymen’s terms. He sat straight up in his chair and began, “You will go into the courtroom...” Courtroom? I thought. I have to go to court? “...the judge will hear from both sides of the parties...” I was lost already, Who are the parties? The parents? The birth parents? The State? “...at which time he will ask you some questions...” What questions? What does he need to ask me? Do I really need to justify myself to one more person, much less a judge? How many people are in this courtroom? Who do I have to humiliate myself in front of this time? “...you will then tell him why you are unfit to be the parent...” Really? Do I have to tell everyone my reasons for doing this? “ ...and you will then relinquish your rights to your child, that means you are cutting all ties to the child and you are no longer considered the mother.”

Wow. I felt sick. I had not heard someone put it that way before that day, sitting there in his office. What a terribly abrupt end to what I was considering one of the most beautiful times in my life. I was really starting to feel good about myself and my decision, until that day. There was more legal jargon that went on and on, but I was not focused on that. I was focused on the two words that would stay in my subconcious for months, slowly creeping up on me, just waiting for the right moment to pounce and make it permanent. It was as if he planted the term in my head so it would grow more and more prevelant the closer the due date came. I was not ready for that appointment in any way, shape, or form. I told my mother to not come with me, and that was a mistake. It would have made things so much easier if she were there that day. I felt lost when I left. I sat in my car for about a half hour, just dwelling on the words ‘relinquishing rights.” I am not sure when I left, or what route I took home that day, but I do know that my heart was just begining to feel the pain that would become so familiar in the years to come.

I decided to take the high road and continue to enjoy the pregnancy. As a woman, I was becoming increasingly enchanted with the whole process. It is an amazing thing to see a child grow inside a woman’s body, and when it is your body it almost like a science experiment, the most wonderful experiment ever! I was enjoying the kicking, the swirling, the growth of my belly and the feeling of life being created inside my womb. The Lord can work miracles, I think children are proof of that. The way women’s bodies adapt to the entire pregnancy is a miracle of it’s own. Think of all that body, though small and usually weighing less than 10 pounds, it is just incredible that a human body can fit in that small space provided in the womb. I was happy to be pregnant, happy to know that the family that I chose was the fit I wanted. Much more on this subject to come...