Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Oregon Bill ~ You Need To Know This

Do you like being told what to do? Would you like to be told what to do with your baby? What if someone wanted to propose a law that would force you to do something you did not want to do? These are questions that are not only hard to answer, but for some of us are hard to read.

Things are a brewing in the adoption world and it all revolves around one bill in the State of Oregon. I have been reading so much about HB 2904 and it has been bringing up all the bad memories that I have from my first adoption. You see, although I had done my best to prepare for what I was to embark on, MY home State of Missouri decided to come in at the last minute and make life hell for me and my family. Although I had done all I could to go about the process of adoption the right way, THEY told me that I had done it wrong. Nothing worse than having someone tell you what you can or cannot do with your child. It is degrading.

This concern is at the center of House Bill 2904 that is being proposed in Oregon. Among the many changes in this bill is the need to have the birth mother wait 8 days to place their children with the families chosen to raise them. 8 days. Not only that, if the mother chooses not to keep the baby with her for those 8 days, then the baby will be placed in foster care for those 8 days until the wait time elapses. In my opinion, not such a great idea.

There are many changes that will prolong and possibly add to the birth mothers stress and strife. I encourage you to take a look at all this Bill is proposing, and then think long and hard about what this Bill is saying to those wanting to choose adoption. To me it says .... "You don't really know what you want so we are going to show you just how difficult we can make things for you, as if it was not already difficult enough."

Please, I ask you to read for yourself what this Bill has to offer. There is a blog set up just for the education of this Bill. When you read this blog you will not only find more information about the Bill, but also see that there are some inconsistencies about those who think this Bill will help adoption. Believe me, there are some very curious things surrounding HB 2904 and if you care at all about what the adoption world has to offer then you will take the time to educate yourself as to what this will mean in the long run.

I know that I have already written Reps Doherty and Dembrow to share my own issues with this proposal. Please take a look and decide for yourself what you think is right. Then you too can write if you feel it is something that needs your attention.


Anonymous said...

Please visit www.firstmotherforum.com. Jane, is a first mother, and one of the mothers involved with this bill. There are many misconceptions about it, especially the 8 day period which does not keep a child from going home with the Adoptive Family during that period, that she explains very well.

Not Just A Birth Mom said...

The blog you posted a link to is VERY VERY VERY misleading. They have posted half truths and flat out false information about the bill. For instance, the bill will NOT keep the baby from going home with the adoptive parents during those 8 days. The baby CAN go home with the adoptive parents during that time, the mother just can not sign right away.
PLEASE do NOT go off of the information from that blog, it is NOT true. Once you really read what the bill is changing, I can not imagine why any birth parent would be against it. If you support birth parents and open adoption, there is NO reason you should not support this bill.
To read the TRUTH about this bill, you can go here
and here

Kelsey Stewart, Author said...

Thank you ladies for commenting. I read FMF often and am just so disappointed that so many on that blog attack others for trying to stand up for what they believe in.

I find it very ironic that Jane has written this Bill. For all that she, and many others who comment on FMF, talk about coercion and the wrongs that are done to women in adoption, why then is she spearheading a Bill that tells women what they can or cannot do with their children? Wasn't that what happened to her? I find that very hypocritical.

I know that there needs to be reform in adoption. I am the first to admit that. If you read my blog you will find that I too was treated very badly by my home state of Missouri. I understand that there are things that could be imporved in this flawed system. However, the women of today are not like the women from the generation that Jane and Lorraine are from. Many things have changed since the Baby Scoop Era. I think that if more people would educate themselves about what happened in the past and how that has helped (SOMEWHAT) those that are choosing adoption today ... there might actually be some headway in the laws of this country.

I think the Bill itself is misleading. Perhaps some revision should be made to actually let the birth mothers know that they are PEOPLE and their feelings matter.

No one likes to be told what to do. Especially when it comes to their flesh and blood.

Not Just A Birth Mom said...

But Kelsey, we are ALREADY told what to do with our babies.... We are told we must sign by this date or that date, and we must "do the right thing" by giving our baby up for adoption, etc. In most states, you have to wait at least 48 hours to sign the papers anyway... So why is it SO horrible to make some wait 8 days, but not horrible to make them wait 2 days? Should expectant parents be allowed to sign before they deliver, since it is such a bad thing to wait to sign the papers...? I believe this bill is only trying to protect expectant parents from unethical agencies..
<3 ya

Kelsey Stewart, Author said...

You are right, we are very often told what to do. Reding about it further, I stand corrected in what I posted above. I now know that the baby CAN go with the adoptive parents during that 8 day period.

I was forced to watch my daughter go into Foster Care for almost 7 weeks with no real warning that that was going to happen. It was so hard for me to have to go and visit her, then leave again like I had done at the hospital. It was emotionally unbearable but I made myself go because I wanted to make sure that she was doing alright, that she was being taken care of. It just sucked to have her in Foster Care at all. I don't think that the process of relinquishment should be prolonged for any amount of time. In my opinion and from my experience, it was just unnecessary pain.

I know that this Bill was created to protect the mothers and make sure that they are educated in what it is that they are choosing. I am all for education. But, I also think that the education should not stop after the papers are signed. I would like to see POST counseling for the families because in my eyes that is when support and care are needed. I believe that people should know about it going in, but I really think everyone could benefit from continued counseling once the baby is gone.

I also think that only people who are involved with adoption should be doing after care, or before care. In a perfect world, all adoption social workers would have some kind of personal experience with adoption. Nothing urked me more than having a single, unmarried and childless woman tell me what to do with my baby.

I see your point, and it is taken. I agree that there are some parts of this bill that could help women. But I also think there could be much more added to it to make it even better. And no, I do not think that parents should sign anything until after the baby is born. I guess I am just an old fart on this, and also a big reason why I don't talk too much about politics... LOL! Thanks for coming back to clarify what you see in the bill. No harm done and this is what I love about our country! We can see things a little differently, but at the same time fight for helping future mothers out there.

MrsPerrbear said...

"We can see things a little differently, but at the same time fight for helping future mothers out there."

Great point here. Fantastic point. And yet another reason why I love you...you speak your mind, you speak your heart, and do so both sincerely and intelligently, without expecting everyone else to agree 110% with you. Is it time for another AZ trip yet? LOL. Love you!!!

Not Just A Birth Mom said...

Ditto, to what Michelle said! Except for the whole Arizona thing. I really think you should head out to Atlanta :P lol

Kelsey Stewart, Author said...

FINE! I will look into AZ flights as well as ATL flights. Can't promise that it will be this year, but I will sure do my best to get to you ladies for some much overdue birth mom love and fun!!!!!!!

Thank you both for all of the support you give me. I cannot tell you have wonderful it is to find kindred spirits that appreciate my mind! Love to you both!!!!