Scammers. How low do you have to be to pose as a pregnant woman wanting to place your child for adoption only to disrupt people's lives with lies and deceit? Beyond low. Not long after my second adoption I was watching an investigative show and did not know what the topic was until I started to watch. The topic was adoption scammers and the toll it took on people. I thought it was about agencies or independent placers who were taking money from people and then not following through with their promises. To my surprise, it was an hour filled with stories of BIRTH MOTHERS who were scamming couples out of money with their promises of babies, telling lies to people to just advance themselves financially. The one that was the worst was a woman who had promised her baby to three different couples all of which paid big money to her directly for bills, doctors and so on. In the end, she had no intention of ever placing her child and sat face to face with these couples and just lied to them. They then found out that this very woman had done this scheme before with her older child, a child she used as bait to lure the new couples in her second pregnancy. (She claimed she was unable to keep the second child because she was already having trouble with just one.)I was stunned. I was sickened. I was furious that this news show was interested in airing these low life's and telling their awful tales of horrible moral wrongs. I could not believe that someone would do that to another human being. Very sad. So very wrong!
Unfortunately it is something that continues today, day after day, and the worst part is that half the time these women/girls are not even pregnant. Now, normally I would use an explanation point there, but it has happened so frequently that I am no longer shocked by it. I am always heartbroken to hear of a woman using someones else's emotions like that, promising something that will never happen, crushing a possible family's dreams. I am disgusted that there are human beings that would toy with emotions like that. I am even more repulsed at the horrible reputation that it gives birth mothers. These people are so scared of us, the birth parents, it is a fact that often is true. And why shouldn't it be true? This kind of behavior is a hard pill to swallow and it causes many to think so badly of those of us who are not bad people, not money takers, not behavioral deviates that are looking to rip your heart and soul out. Shame on these non humans who think playing this card is funny or entertaining. Shame on you all, and let me remind you that karma is a wonderful thing made just for people like you.
In the mean time, from the mind of a woman who has been through two adoptions as a birth mother let me say just a couple of things. No matter how many stories you hear that are bad, there are many others that are good. No matter how many times you hear of a birth mother that has gone crazy and is stalking someone, or the opposite ... has dropped contact all together, there are many other women who are privately dealing with an ever changing heart and doing quite well in their journey. No matter how many tales you hear of birth mothers who are not happy and you think they should "just get over it", well you should never judge a person until you hear the entire story of what they have been through, how they have ached, how they've wondered themselves to sleep, how they have lived every week thinking of all the actions they took in a 10 month period. No matter how many stories you hear about how reunions are awkward or bad, there are many others that are amazingly healing and wonderful to experience. And for every scammer there is out there I would only hope that people understand that there are thousands of us who would never, ever think of doing that to another person. It is not who we are. It is not what we want to be compared with. Don't think the same of everyone, because everyone is not the same.