So, there is much debate as to we should celebrate Birth Mother's Day which is the Saturday before Mother's Day, or the actual day itself. I see it everywhere, people liking it, despising it, indifferent to it. I am curious, do you celebrate either day? If so, why?
I am working on a post about this topic and would really like to know what my readers think about it. So please, if you have something to say ... then say it here. I have always felt that talking and communication is a great way to learn more about a particular subject.
Talk amongst yourselves ... and here. :)
Related Posts : Birth Mother's Day,
birth mother/first mother,
life after adoption,
Mother's Day Cards
Related Posts : Birth Mother's Day,
birth mother/first mother,
life after adoption,
Mother's Day Cards
Posts
11 comments:
Sorry. No to Birthmothers Day. I understand the concept but what is the point? How about an Adoptee Day? We had no choice in the matter.
I won't be celebrating Birthmother's Day because I am also a parenting mother and I will celebrate Mother's Day with my boys.
The birthmother part of my life is not a celebration for me. The grief still outweighs the joy, so instead of marinading in greif more than I already do, I will try to focus on the children I parent.
I am glad that Birthmother's day exisits. I believe it acknowledges an important group of women who made unbelievable sacrifices for the best insterests of their children.
Someday maybe I will be able to celebrate on that day. But for now it is still too painful.
We celebrate Birthmother's day on the Saturday before Mother's day. We have our birth mothers over to our house on that day. It has been a tradition for 4 years now. Our birthmothers are in support of celebrating this day. I am not trying to take away from them being mothers. I am trying to honor them for the special mothers that they are and I believe they feel that way too. I feel they deserve a special day of their own. (I hope I can get all three of them here this year together.)
It is also partly circumstance too--fishing opener almost always falls on this weekend so my husband is out of town, so it is kind of just a girls celebration--unless fishing opener isn't that weekend. I enjoy the private "girls" time with our kids. This year hubsters will be home to help us celebrate. There is a breast cancer walk on Mother's day and the route goes in the area of my house--so Sunday is a chaotic day with that and daddy coming home so Saturday works out better.
So that's how our family celebrates.
I celebrate Mother's day for myself and to honour my Mother now dead.I find that anything else would be insulting.
Birthmothers deserve their own special day. We chose life, and were part of the miracle of the making of a family. It is a lot of grief for me too, as well bittersweet (When I lived with my baby's parents for a while at end of pregnancy, we all bonded, and my water actually broke on Mother's Day!) I will work thru my grief on Birthmother's Day and add photos to my special album of my birth-daughter. I will light my lavender scented candle and reflect on it all. ~Cindy~
I don't celebrate birthmother's day. I am not really proud of being a birthmother. Also, I do have two children and I choose to celebrate Mother's day. I am glad that there are people who find comfort in the day but I don't see a point to it for me.
As a birthmother, I appreciate the idea, but as my child's adoptive mother said via email last week, she doesn't think that we birthmoms should be honored just one day out of the year - just like I believe moms shouldn't be honored for their sacrifices just one day out of the year too. I was able to go to a birthmother retreat this past weekend, and that to me was much more what I wanted to do. I got to hang out with other birthmoms and not only admit to the pain we feel every single day, but to really honor ourselves and others like us who understand the choice we made. It was a weekend for ME. Though I have to admit I'm hoping to get a card from my daughter's adoptive parents, I'd actually prefer if it were a Mother's Day card. I AM a mother, even if "only" biologically so.
Personally I don't like Birth Mother's Day. I appreciate that acknowledgement is made for first mothers because damn if they don't deserve it... and then some. I also understand that it can be a day for first mothers to grieve. But I feel that separating the day from Mother's Day diminishes the role played by first mothers. They are mothers, too, and should be recognized as such.
Great discussion!
~Jill
I am a mom through adoption and I see this weekend of Mother's Day/Birth Mother's Day as a way to recognize the shared love we have for our children ... I personally do not choose one day over the other to let our daughter's birth mother's know how much they mean to us ... We just refer to it as Mother's Day with cards, gifts made by our girls (now 4-1/2 and 2-1/2 years old) and flowers from my husband and me sent to them. We know how blessed we are throughout the year but believe showing an extra special recognition on this weekend is important too!
As a birth mother, adoptive mother, and biological mother I personally celebrate both days. I spend the saturday before mother's day with birth daughters family or with other birth mothers doing things that make me happy (Ok I usually get a message because it's amazing!). I am incredibly proud to be a birth mother and am grateful for the recognition the days give of the choice that I lovingly made.
Kelsey- you posted a great link to a shop on Etsy that makes cards for Birth Mother's Day. I went on and ordered one for our son's birth mom. Being that this is my first Mother's Day as a mom, and hers as well, I sent her the card and wrote her a really long letter (almost 10 pages) and just shared with her how I feel about her. I think she will like the card (it's awesome) and the letter a lot.
I can see why birth mom's would feel that there's not a need to have a separate day, but I think it's wonderful. I feel like as an adoptive mom, she picked me to raise him. She placed him into my arms, and gave me the ability to call myself a mother. If I sent her a card for Mother's Day, I feel like it'd be a slap in the face to her. With BMD, I could really thank her and share my heart with her and not have to worry about hurting her feelings or upsetting her.
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