Thursday, January 14, 2010

Happy Thoughts... #3 ~ A Rose is a Rose

I went to California for my second placing. I had placed my daughter for adoption two years earlier in Missori and it was not a very pleasant experience for me. Now, I was 2,000 miles from home ... away from family, away from friends and away from my boyfriend. I was staying with family and they were wonderful companions at a very difficult time for me. I love being in California, the mountains, the ocean, the laid back way of life. It was a change that I needed, a change that would help me come to terms with my role as a mother at 21. I felt I had found a place that spoke to me, that showed me how beautiful life is, how beautiful the world is. I was removed from all that I had known. It is amazing what you can discover when that happens.

The time came to welcome the twins into the world. Their parents were there for the labor experience.  I am a very pleasant person, likable, funny, smart, in other words ... a lady in every sense of the word.

That is until I am in labor. This wonderful couple was in the hospital room with me as I became a sailor from 1492 spewing curse words that would make Backbeard blush.

I was not only saying them, but at times I was vocalizing across the room in a guteral voice that was straight from the bowels of The Exorcist. It is odd, I am not sure how other women out there handle that kind of dialation, that type of primal pain. It just took me over just as it had done when I had my daughter. The difference was, I was now displaying this barroom broad to folks that were going to raise a little piece of me. I am sure they were shocked, hoping that their child was not born with a mowhawk and Marlboro hanging out of their mouths. The nurse was so nice, she was playing right along with me ... "That's it! Get it out, let it all out." I had no epidural, no assistance with the pain. This was the brilliant plan of my doctor who I know was dictating the labor for very good reasons, but I was not liking the decision to do it all sans drugs. None the less, I buckeld down and delivered them within 10 minutes of each other. Both were healthy, good sized boys. The best part was that their parents were right there by my side to witness the moment that they were in the world.

I have no idea what the adopting parents were doing or the expressions on their faces when the first boy was born, even though they were right there. I was concentrating on pushing my lungs into my colon. The first time I remember seeing their dad was when the nurse was telling the doctor all the info about baby boy1 and I said ..."Go and meet your son." I smiled at him and he looked like an angel, just glowing with happiness. I then looked at her and said ... "Ready Mom?" I then gave birth to a second healthy boy and watched as she saw her dream of a family come true. I got to see the moment that she realized she was once and for all a mom, and it was beautiful. My cousin who was there with me as my coach was also touched, you see she and her husband had just adopted a boy a year earlier. She and her husband were not there when their son was born so for her to also witness the birth of a baby was very special for her. She told me I was amazing, thanking me over and over for asking her to be there with me.

So in that 10 minute period a family was born, a mother was made, a father was proud, another adoptive mother learned the sacrifice that HER birth mother went through and I was rather taken back with the powerful moments of it all. I had touched so many lives in that moment, made so many happy that my feelings of sadness were a little lighter, and I realized that my baby boys would be loved and cared for. I was thinking about the smiles that those boys were going to bring to their parents for so many years to come.

The next day I awoke from a nap to the most beautiful bouquet of roses I had ever seen. There was a card, so I opened it.
"Thank you for giving my brother a family. You have made me an aunt and I am forever grateful for your kind heart. May you be blessed always..."
I then realized that I had touched so many more than who was in that room with me. I knew that my boys would be so loved in life. I took a deep breathe and the smell of the roses had filled the room.

Everytime I smell a rose, I smell a little longer and think of my boys and it is always accompanied by a smile.

Kelsey Stewart is the Author of The Best For You
The Best For You


Kristina said...

Thanks so much for sharing your story, its beautiful...especially the gutteral part ! lol xxoo our stories are so similar in so many ways, all of your children are very lucky to have such a beautiful knowing mother ;) xxxooo

Kelsey Stewart, Author said...

Thank you Kris! Were you a sailor too? LOL I love that you understand this, not many would. I have been getting to know you through your writing and I agree, we are similar. I hope we can stay in touch because I am sure the parrells are not done yet. Thank you for your beautiful words, it never hurts to keep that support up. God Bless you for your Braveheart and I am sure your children know how much they mean to you! Thank you again! :)

Sally Bacchetta said...

This is beautiful! I'm really moved... beyond what I can express right now. I would love to share your voice with readers of my blog. Would you consider letting me link to your post or being a guest blogger on my blog?

Kelsey Stewart, Author said...

Thank you so much Sally, I am always touched when people are moved by my writing. I say, share my voice with as many as you can because you never know who may need to hear it! I can only hope to reach many more that are just like you...kind.

Thank you for reading!