Familiar Trail, But a Life Adjusted

New Year's Day. Some people love it. Some dread it. I am good with it because it seems to me folks have a kind attitude about them this time of year. Perhaps it is Holiday stress relief. Or it could be the promise of a New Year and all that it may hold. I used to spend the day with my man, parked on the couch watching cheesy movies marathons which always seemed to have a Patrick Swayze flick thrown in the mix. These days are a little different. We have two fantastic bundles of energy that need to be occupied at all waking hours or boyhood mischief ensues.


This year we went to Ojai for a hike. Now, we planned for a week to go to Malibu and hike a trail that Bruce has been wanting the whole family to explore, however 50mph gusts in the canyon is not my cup of tea. I watched a few years ago as a small brush fire turned into a raging inferno that consumed every thing in it's path and I don't want to spend a beautiful day running for my life! So just a short drive up the mountain and through town we found ourselves at the mouth of Pratt Trail. I know this trail well. I used to hike it when I was pregnant with the twins while living in this gorgeous mountain town. I walked it at least three times a week as a part of my routine, and I had not been on this trail since the boys were born all those years ago.

 

I was a little apprehensive at first, but then just too excited to see if it was at all the same. I brought up the rear of our family line through the wilderness and that is where I usually am since I wear the hat of family photographer. I snapped away and thought of all those days walking up this gentle grade, thinking about life and how I was going to get through the rest of it after the second adoption. I worried too much about what people were going to think of me. I worried too much about how my relationship with Bruce would work out after having the boys. I worried too much about delivering twins with no medication what-so-ever (my doctor was very strict about that, with multiple births he wanted to make sure that I could feel everything in case of emergency). I worried too much. Period. I knew I would get through it. I knew I would marry Bruce someday. I knew the delivery would be fine. But on those walks I would let my mind wander so I could ask myself those hard questions. It was quite therapeutic for me. Those walks I would enjoy every day really helped me stay grounded and come to terms with what would eventually be.

We got to the point where I would always turn around and head back, but we pressed onward and upward into the foothills of the mountains. This was a new part of the trail for me, I had never gone this far because the climb was just too much for me with the weight of twins. After hiking a while longer came upon a clearing and decided that this would be our half way point. I turned to look and my oh my, what a view. It took my breath away. The valley was a pristine green which is unusual for winter in SoCal, things are usually brown from lack of rain. I could see all the way to the Channel Islands that sit off the coast and the ring of fog that surrounded them, that is how spectacular the view was. I took pictures, but it does not do it justice. I was in awe. Then my oldest son Bodde came running up to me and asked if we could get a picture together. And there it was. The moment. That one moment that comes along and changes everything, changes the way you look at something. There, in his sweet blue eyes, I saw so much and felt nothing but love.

We took our picture, a self portrait in front of the mountain and it is not the best picture we have ever taken but for me, it will be the memory that makes it special. After we took it and after I was overwhelmed with that feeling of love, we continued on our day hike back the way we came so we could enjoy the reward of a big pizza pie at the local pizza place. I took that trip down memory lane as a significant sign. When I hiked it 20 years ago, I never went past that certain point. This past weekend, I went past that spot and onto a better spot with a spectacular view. I had never seen that part of the trail, the beauty that it held and the view that it offered. And in going further on that trail this past weekend, I felt as if it was an overall look at what my life has been since the adoptions. An amazing, ever rolling and colorful landscape that inspires the peace of a life well lived.